2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We were all children and we had parents. Childhood is a wonderful time for discoveries and knowledge! Many people remember their childhood with a feeling of bright joy. And it also happens that a person takes with him from childhood not only positive, but also negative. I mean childhood grudges against parents. Such memories are sometimes so strong that a person, already in adulthood, begins to project them onto his relationships with others. At times, this can cause intense feelings. Moreover, it also happens that a person initially does not even think that the cause of his problems lies precisely in this.
Parents are the first sample of society with which we get to know and up to a certain age, they are seen by the child as an example to follow and obey. If I may say so, parents are gods for a child, for obvious reasons. But soon enough the child finds himself in another world, the world of society. First of all, the first "serious" conflicts with parents are connected with this. The demands and opportunities of society do not always coincide with how life is organized within the family. Accordingly, if the child acts contrary to the expectations of the parents, then their reaction is predictable - punishment. Moreover, at that moment, the child is not yet able to adequately defend his position (remember, a child in a store in hysterics demands to buy something for him). This is roughly how the process of forming a child's resentment looks like. Of course, this is a very simplified diagram, but nonetheless. The reasons for the emergence of children's grievances are many, and they are very different, it makes no sense to describe in a small article.
In adulthood, when a person is faced with the fact that he realizes that he has unspoken grievances towards his parents, he understands that it is necessary to talk about this. Moreover, this is often the root of the problems that a person experiences in life. But oddly enough, a person is not able to start such a conversation with his parents, it would seem, with the closest and loving people. Something very seriously prevents him from taking this step.
The fact is that our thinking plays a bad joke with us, when a person wants to start a difficult conversation for him, and even on a painful topic, then unconsciously begins to feel like a child. Think exactly as it was when the offense occurred. In order to prevent this from happening in the first place, in my opinion, it is necessary to remove the parent from the pedestal. Stand next to him and build communication from the “adult-adult” position. Stop treating him the way you treated him in childhood, when the parent was unconditionally right. Realize yourself in a position here and now. Understand for yourself that you are an already formed personality and convey this idea to the parent. It is also necessary to get rid of the feeling of guilt that you can offend the parent, all are already adults and everyone can adequately respond to any information. If we are talking about the fact that some model of parental behavior that began in childhood continues even at the time when you matured (for example, control, moreover, total), then you should come up with that specific option that suits you and offer to his parents.
The most important thing is to understand that all people see life differently and sometimes do not even suspect how it could be otherwise.
Live with joy! Anton Chernykh.
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