2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Feeling and emotion are often used synonymously and are characterized as a psychological process that reflects a subjective evaluative attitude towards existing or possible situations. However, emotions are a direct reaction to something based on an intuitive level, and feelings are a product of thinking, experiencing accumulated experience, permissible norms, rules, culture …
Many researchers divide emotions into negative, positive, and neutral. However, what about the usefulness of emotions? All emotions are important and necessary to adjust to reality. Experiencing positive emotions, joy, satisfaction, interest, love - we fix in our memory the desirable types of behavior that create our personal resources, help us better understand the world and ourselves, give us feelings of well-being, success, trust, develop creativity and help us in rapprochement with other people, and are also a support and support in difficult moments of life. Negative emotions sometimes even exceed positive ones in their “usefulness”, as they give us important information. For example, fear tells us about a threat, danger, which is the basis of self-preservation and survival; sorrow - about loss; anger - about unworthy behavior, about possible life problems, etc.
There are emotions that fill our inner world, prevent us from feeling freedom, joy, a sense of satisfaction, harmony and harmony with ourselves and the outside world. These are learned emotions / conventions, layered on our children's mental purity, gentleness, spontaneity, open perception of the world. Some of the most important acquisitions and conventions that prevent us from feeling happy are resentment / resentment, envy, guilt and shame. Today I want to analyze in detail the feeling of resentment.
Resentment is an unjustly inflicted grief, an insult that causes feelings of anger towards the offender and self-pity.
Consider this feeling from a positive and a negative side
The positive meaning of resentment is that resentment, like any other emotion, performs an important function in the survival and adaptation of people to each other. It is very important to note here that resentment and guilt are paired feelings, they always arise in pairs: if I am offended, then my offender experiences guilt or shame. Resentment occurs when the behavior of another person does not meet my expectations. This feeling is expressed by facial expressions, intonation and mood, thanks to this we give a kind of signal that an event has occurred, which is assessed as an unfair violation of rights, boundaries, damage to honor or status, the fact of an offensive attitude towards a person and our offender understands that for further interaction, he needs to change his behavior. Consequently, resentment plays an important role in how people interact with each other.
There is an opinion that resentment is an acquired emotion that is formed in early childhood from 2-5 years old.
The society teaches grievances and, first of all, these are parents and grandmothers who, by their expectation of resentment, teach a small child to be offended. For example, we can often hear such phrases “My little one, go mom / grandmother will regret who offended my beloved (my)…” By forbidding to express any emotions, we also teach the child to replace them with an offense. Or, on the contrary, the parents themselves demonstrate their resentment, and in this case, the child develops the very convention of behavior. For example: if I am offended, I should be offended, because it should be so, it is accepted. However, excessive resentment is negative. A resentful person not only suffers himself (he experiences an offense over and over again, remembering that he was once offended, although in this period of time there is neither an offender nor a situation), his nerves are quickly depleted and the offense can develop into chronic stress, but at the same time he still unwittingly makes the offender suffer, causing him to feel guilty or ashamed.
There is an opinion that there are people who are less touchy or resentful at all. This is wrong. Everyone is touchy. It's just that everyone has their own "themes". Some are easier to offend, others are more difficult, and it depends on how many questions and confusions a person has in life, how many of those “vulnerable topics”. But there are people who are afraid of losing their "face" and at the same time demonstrate their resistance to offenses, in this case, just the offense can stay with a person for a long time, because he does not even admit to himself what he feels.
Demonstration or resilience to resentment depends on habitual patterns of behavior. The most common ones are holding back, switching and quenching (weakening): I am offended, but I pretend that it does not touch me. I revel in my resentment, demonstrate it to everyone, with the secret idea of tormenting the offender with a sense of guilt.
How can you ease this feeling?
First of all, I would like to emphasize that resentment is a manifestation of the child's ego state. We may be 40, but inside we may feel like a scared child or a rebellious teenager. A child always lives in each of us, regardless of our age. And this child is either happy or alone within us.
Touchiness is a product of parental prohibitions against expressing any emotions, for example, anger, fear, sadness, and even joy. As a result, the child tries to hide, swallow this emotion, although he continues to experience it. And the forbidden emotion is replaced by another one that can be experienced. We grow up with this and already as adults do not know, do not understand what we feel, what we actually experience. Each of us needs to understand how I feel at a given moment. And this needs to be learned. Of course, with a psychologist, you will be able to quickly deal with the feelings that you experience, learn to manage and use them for your own good and the good of others, understand not only your feelings, but also recognize them in other people. This will give you a greater understanding of yourself and others.
One way to ease feelings of resentment is to express your feelings. At the very least, admit to yourself: “Yes, I am offended” and try to understand yourself: what is it that hooked you so much? Try to sort everything out on the shelves, remember when such feelings (repetition of the situation) were encountered before. Understand what real emotion is hidden behind the resentment and to whom this emotion was originally directed. Let this emotion be. This will give you the opportunity to look at the situation with an “adult”, conscious look. Assess the complexity of the situation. Allow yourself to experience repressed feelings. And finally, try to justify your offender.
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