Isolation From Constant Feelings Of Shame

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Isolation due to shame - how does it happen and why, what to do about it? Imagine a situation when a person closes in his inner world, in his apartment or house, does not share his experiences and emotions with others. What could be causing this? The primary source is a strong fear of judgment.

However, as a rule, a person cannot even understand why he is catastrophically afraid of condemnation. Behind all the feelings you experience, there is a fear of shame. Why? For a person, this shame is so unbearable that it is impossible to survive it, therefore, just in case, he tries to avoid all situations in which such a humiliating sensation may arise for him.

In addition, behind all this there is a "toxic" and painful shame - shame, the roots of which are deep in childhood, and it is associated with objects that are significant for the child in the family (mother, father, grandmother, grandfather - in principle, it can be anyone but very bashful). By his behavior, this man in every possible way imposed on the child a feeling of shame - for example, "What will people think?" In the family, such experiences were an order of magnitude higher than the experiences and feelings of the child himself (what he likes, how and how he lives) - all this was devalued, the opinion of the people around was more important. As a result, the child, growing up, is afraid to show himself.

What to do about it? First, it is necessary to find deep in the soul an ideal image of oneself - which beliefs are correct, what should be the “right” person? Accordingly, further you need to give yourself the right to be imperfect, wrong, to be what a person is, to be human and be sure to forgive yourself for all flaws. Anyone has every right to be imperfect!

The second step is to get rid of the inner omnipotence (“I can do everything, I must (a) know everything”). The only way to become a real professional and expert in any field is not to take on everything at once. It is important to first pay attention to one thing, then another. It is worth developing the most important and valuable for yourself.

Further, it is important to find strengths in your inner "I" - what can you rely on, what can you be proud of, what can you be happy about? In a monologue with yourself, you need to praise yourself - “Oh! Here and here I am done! " The next step is to learn to rely on other people, to live in contact.

So, if a person is at the pole of evaluative opinion, power and competition, this is a stalemate and a hopeless path. The path leading to positive changes in life is the path of relationships when a person knows that he is appreciated, respected and loved for who he is. But all this needs to be known in the depths of the soul, not just to be aware of the head, but to feel with all the heart - for this, contact should really be valuable.

What difficulties can arise? Distrust of people. How do you learn to trust? At a minimum, you need to come to terms with the idea that people can be trusted, that people can be kind and not evil. It can help to reevaluate your views by understanding that, in reality, the opinion of a bad grade is a projection.

In fact, the person himself evaluates himself poorly - he has already rejected himself, punished himself, called himself bad, and in general - he executed! Everyone is his own judge and prosecutor, but not a lawyer - you need to remember this. In order for a person to trust other people more, it should be remembered that first of all, you need to be able to trust yourself, not to reject your real “I” and not to consider yourself bad. The people around them react to the inner state of a person in contact. There may be another situation - a person specifically finds people who cannot be trusted in order to make sure that the people around are enemies. Another option is that a person simply does not notice when he is treated well.

Thus, the most important thing in the context of the problem is to work more on your good image and positive attitude towards yourself. You can try to work through the outside - first you can believe that people can be trusted, then the desired feeling will appear inside - “Oh! I'm alright!.

In any case, it is imperative to get out of such isolation, otherwise a person will chew himself up faster than the people around him. Problems like these are very well worked out in therapy, and shame is treated by acknowledging the very feeling of embarrassment and remorse at the realization of the reprehensibility of actions.