It's A Shame And Scary Not To Be Perfect. Where Does This Fear And Shame Come From And How To Help Yourself

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

During the New Year holidays I had a desire to write a post about my impressions of the film "Hare over the Abyss".

I began to write it. I wrote. I reread and notice that I am not happy with what is written.

And then I went to the Kinopoisk website and read the reviews of other people about this film. And I liked them so much, they seemed so interesting to me, subtly noticing some nuances, well expressing the emotional response from the film. And after this comparison, my post seemed somehow insipid, not so interesting. And I thought that I probably am not such a pro at writing film responses. That there are people who do it much better than me. And then what happens to me? I feel embarrassed to share my response. What is this feeling that is stopping me? Perhaps this is fear and shame.

It is shameful and scary to do something worse than others. It's a shame to be someone who can't do something that I would like to do super-well. It is scary to face the rejection that the way I am - I am not important and not valuable.

Where did this fear and shame come from? Yes, from childhood, probably. When I wanted to do something well, and to hear approval from my mother, that my mother likes it and maybe she is proud of me. But I couldn't hear it in any way. Mom never said that. And this was some way for me to get her love through this approval of my mother. But all was unsuccessful. I tried, some worked, some didn't. But I couldn’t get my mother’s approval.

And then I probably had the conviction that I was not good enough to deserve this approval and my mother's love. That if I try really, really hard, then I will someday earn this approval and receive this mother's love. That is why this is so strong in me - “you have to do it very well”. And if not very good, then why? Anyway, you won't get my mom's approval if I don't do it very well. And then it turns out that it becomes scary to face this not receiving approval and love through this approval. And then, in order not to face this essentially rejection, it is better to do something perfect or do nothing at all.

Or maybe the fact is that whatever I did, my mother found flaws in all this. And she shamed me that she could have done better. It was so common to pay attention to flaws with the idea of helping the child do something better. Only this did not help at all, but on the contrary stopped.

And then, when I notice my attitude towards myself, my awkwardness and shame for my imperfect text, I want to support myself. And say to yourself: “Honey, you wrote this response-impressions because you so wanted to share your impressions and emotions with someone. Yes, you wrote them as best you could. But this is only your look and only your response, and it is what it is. And even if it’s not perfect, but it’s about you, about you real, not ideal”.

Well, after these words I exhale, I release myself from tension. It makes me feel better. I admit that my response may not be perfect. But he is mine and sincere.

And now I can put it out. What if someone, at least one person will respond to my response? And then we can meet with this person emotionally. And this emotional meeting, perhaps, will fill the hearts of each of us with warmth. And for the sake of this meeting, when an emotional exchange is possible, and I decide to post my response.

The way we were once treated by an important and significant adult for us - mom, dad, aunt, etc., now we treat ourselves in the same way. If we did not hear praise and approval, but only heard the words of criticism. And if we heard the words that it was possible to do this and to do it better, then we will criticize ourselves even in adulthood.

Therefore, in my opinion, instead of a criticizing inner parent, it is important to raise your inner lawyer, who will always be on our side, will always be for us, and to protect us.

Or such an inner parent, which we missed so much in childhood, but would very much like to. So loving, accepting and supportive. I managed to do it.

I wish you to do it! And then something important to start, continue and finish will be easier.

Here are my impressions of the film.

I watched the film "Hare over the Abyss" the other day.

I liked the movie.

And during and after watching, I felt warmth and sympathy for the characters in the film.

I felt warm when I watched the moments in which Lautar's communication with Leonid Ilyich was shown. In these conversations-dialogues, Brezhnev is seen to me as a living person, feeling, comprehending his life, his limitations, which were not imposed on him by the power and his status. And I felt sympathy and warmth for their sincere communication.

I felt interest and warmth in the way the Baron communicated with Brezhnev. There was openness and sincerity in their communication, which I liked very much.

I was touched by the way the Baron treats his gypsies. When his man reported that several people were buried, and gave the Baron the land, probably from their grave, the Baron began to eat this land. This caused my surprise and respect for him. I suppose that this is some kind of custom followed by the Gypsies and the Baron honored and observed this custom. And this commands respect - he paid tribute to the memory of his people who died to fulfill his request or order. It's like a commander pays tribute to the memory and respect of his soldiers who died following orders.

Communication between the 1st and 2nd secretaries also touches with its sincerity, friendliness and some kind of humanity.

I felt respect for the act that Elizabeth does in the film. She, despite the fact that the Queen of England, hears her feelings and follows them.

It was touching to watch the scene of the meeting and dance between Brezhnev and Elizabeth.

The passion shown by Anna, the Baron's daughter, evokes rather alertness and anxiety. Somehow I was alarmed by her unpredictable actions. She is very impulsive for me and thinks only of herself. Perhaps it was this character that left me an unpleasant aftertaste.

And although the film shows us a fictional story, I really like that humanity of the characters.

In general, the film left a pleasant aftertaste with the fact that I saw in it a human, sincere and open relationship.

All characters are shown not pretentiously, namely as people who experience emotions, feelings, experience. And this is what is valuable and important for me.

Do you know how you stop yourself with fear, shame or some other feeling?

Well, I'm, of course, interested to know, but how do you like this film