What Does Narcissus Teach Us? Depreciation

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The power of charm and charm of personalities with a narcissistic type of character acts on the people around them like a magnet, but contacts with them are "toxic" - disappointment is inevitable. The typical narcissist is a bright and ambitious egocentric who does not see anyone or anything, is busy only praising himself, but at the same time charming and unceremonious.

Why do people start to build relationships with narcissists, and what lessons can be learned from narcissistic personalities? What is it about daffodils that can hook you deeply and deeply? Devaluation and acting out. Narcissistic personalities often devalue a partner's inner values and quality of life. On the other hand, they act out by doing their best for themselves. For example, if the narcissists were mistreated, their line of behavior towards another person will be the same - the narcissist will disappear, hang up, etc. Such personalities do not have a sense of emotional contact.

So, going back to the lessons that narcissists teach us, the first is self-devaluation. If in the psychological consciousness of a person this is not represented in any way, he will not react and become involved in a relationship with a devaluating person.

You need to understand that everything that happens to a person from the outside has an internal reflection, all roots go into the psyche. So, for some reason, you have to fight the person who devalues you. A corresponding question arises - who devalued you in childhood, why do you devalue yourself now? Conclusion: The narcissist's behavior turns on because of an open bleeding wound that needs to be healed.

In reality, it is very difficult to wage an internal struggle with oneself. It is much easier to fight outside, when you can get rid of the “bad” person, erase him from your life and forget. However, if another comes in its place, and depreciation continues, it is worth reflecting and sorting out yourself. Having solved this problem, a person either simply stops noticing narcissistic people, or remembers that it was unpleasant for him to be in contact with such personalities, but the result is the same - he passes by.

The second lesson has to do with acting out. This is a psychic defense mechanism, which is expressed in the unconscious release of internal tension through behavior. For example, a person treats a partner in the same way as he was treated at one time. What does this mean? If in childhood he was suppressed, offended, insulted or scolded for the slightest offense, in close contact he will behave similarly - to recoup. And it doesn't matter what exactly, just in the depths of my soul, memories surfaced, so insults, as a rule, were “flying” towards the partner.

When faced with such behavior, the classical neurotic will take the blame (“I probably did something wrong, that's why this whole stream of aggression was poured on me”). But the other side is just waiting for the manifestation of guilt. The oppressive feeling of responsibility for committing some reprehensible action fetters the inner consciousness of a person, making him a "victim of a spider" - from that moment you can do whatever you want with him. Thus, as a result of communication with a narcissist, a person will be able to understand when he is guilty and when he is not.

The third lesson is awareness of your boundaries (this is what I want, this is not). Unambiguously, in contact with the narcissistic type of personality, a bit of selfishness and the ability to clearly establish the boundaries of one's personal space and desires develop. For example, a person is used to resting alone for five to seven hours a day, but a partner encroaches on these boundaries - “No, you will not rest like that! This behavior is unacceptable for me! "Is this a normal requirement? In order to understand this, you need to have good support inside - what is normal and abnormal for you, where is the border? If a person clearly realizes that at least once a week / month he needs a rest alone, with the phone turned off, otherwise certain consequences may arise, he will make a decision in his favor - to give himself this day (“No, this is really important for me, otherwise it will lead to this and that”). The main thing is to be ready even to part with a person if he does not hear. With daffodils, boundaries should be clearly defined: “For me, so. There are no other options". If there is even the slightest doubt within the consciousness, the person will receive acting out again. The narcissist will press on the partner's boundaries until the latter learns to be firm, a little tough, and selfish.

So what are the points to work out if you are in a relationship with a narcissist and it hurts you? First of all, masochistic manifestations and awakenings. This refers to a fairly early period of development - 3-5 years.

It is at this time that the child develops a need to save everyone, to help everyone, to be needed for everyone. In some ways, these are also narcissistic character traits, but they are at the other pole of narcissism, in the neurotic spectrum (sacrificial narcissism).

It is also worth paying attention to subconscious desires - "I want it to be like this!". Deep down, you probably want the narcissist to behave the way you want them to. Any other behavior is perceived as offense. Plus, as a rule, we react painfully to narcissists who distance themselves sharply.

On the other hand, it may be worth allowing a person to live the way he wants it - to come today or not to come, to call - not to call, to isolate himself from the world around him or to live "to the fullest."

Perhaps some facts are unpleasant for you to hear and realize (for example, about the manifestation of narcissistic character traits). But you need to understand - everything that causes any reaction from the outside is presented in the psyche, in some cases it can be the opposite pole (for example, one of the partners is a selfish narcissist ("Everything revolves exclusively around me!"), And the second personifies a more sacrificial narcissism (“I’ll save everyone! I’ll be with those who want it, if only they tell me that I’m great!”) Thus, partners have different narcissistic needs, and they, like gears, fall into the right grooves.

However, it is impossible to break off these unhealthy relationships easily - for this you need to work out the deepest problems of your “I” and analyze your subconscious desires.