Do I Need To Get Rid Of Negative Emotions

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Often people who come to my office express a desire to get rid of any uncomfortable feeling or emotion.

It can be anxiety or fear, anger or resentment, despondency or despair, something else, always deeply personal and always experienced as a hindrance in life.

This desire is very understandable and natural.

But sometimes I say in such cases: please do not rush.

I am not suggesting that despair or fear is a normal natural state and take it for granted. I only suggest that you first think about this question: if today this feeling came into your life, then why? What important work does it want to do for you?

Of course, in this context, I touch upon the issue of feelings and emotions of the "healthy" spectrum, ie. I do not consider disorders of a clinical nature (phobias, depression, etc.).

A person's striving for inner comfort and balance is very organic, natural. It is this desire that prompts us to look for ways to get rid of those experiences that are commonly considered negative.

However, it is worth taking a deeper look at what their "negativity" is. Of course, the very subjective feeling of the same fear or resentment is uncomfortable, unpleasant, it is experienced as something negatively affecting our well-being. And in this, yes, such a feeling can be considered negative. It can also be said that such feelings and emotions can negatively affect the course of our life - limit us in our life choices and deprive us of the opportunity to feel the fullness of life.

At the same time, uncomfortable feelings and emotions can simultaneously act as our assistants and even protectors.

Evolutionarily, it is unpleasant feelings and emotions that have helped and continue to help a person to be aware of dangers and threats and to resist them, and, trying to get away from discomfort, look for ways and solutions, create changes for the better.

Fear, as one of the most ancient feelings, is directly related to the work of the instinct of self-preservation. It is fear that gives the impetus to take care of yourself and foresee possible threats, take measures to protect yourself from them.

A fearless (in the sense - completely unaware of fear) person runs the risk of underestimating the threats, which can end in disaster for him. Imagine, for example, an athlete in a competition who is not afraid to lose, and is absolutely ready in advance to accept any outcome of the competition. Such an athlete has lower motivation to fight, and, accordingly, the chances of winning.

I remember such an example that I met during my studies: the mother of a young girl, who was seriously involved in music and regularly participated in various competitions and shows, turned to a psychologist. There was a request to help the girl overcome her fear of such contests, save herself from constantly comparing herself with other contestants, and increase her “self-confidence”. According to her mother, the girl had good results in competitions, she won prizes, and only fear and uncertainty prevented her from becoming an absolute leader. Work was done with the girl. The fear gradually disappeared, the confidence increased. And after that … her success at competitions dropped significantly. Because with the disappearance of fear, the motivation to win went away. That is, fear here performed a mobilizing and organizing function.

The situation is similar with other feelings and emotions of the so-called negative spectrum.

Anger mobilizes to fight and defend oneself. Agree, it is very difficult to imagine that victory in the Great Patriotic War could be possible without the anger of our people against the German fascist invaders. How could a victory take place if, for example, a Russian soldier were a) cold-blooded, b) would take the position of “accepting” the aggression and the aggressor, c) would immediately go into the phase of “forgiving the offender” (and this is what most often for some reason we are trying to strive - not to live through the conflict until it is resolved, but to evade it and "forgive" as soon as possible, just to get out of the uncomfortable confrontation).

Resentment, despondency, despair - many other subjectively unpleasant experiences, just like in the examples described above, appear in our life for a reason, but in order to help us complete this or that life task.

Even if it is not as obvious a task as winning a competition or repelling the enemy. It can be a deep inner task related to the growth of our personality or to protect us from destruction.

That is why I often say that you should not rush to immediately "amputate" uncomfortable feelings, you can try to find their purpose first, understand what these feelings can and want to do useful for us, and then let them do their job.

But after that, most likely, negative feelings will leave your life on their own. Just for further uselessness.

For a long time and obsessively it will not be left only by those feelings that we refuse to recognize and meet with them, to connect with them, instead of this blocking them, then devaluing, then displacing them from the field of living.