How To Get Rid Of Unnecessary Thoughts, Emotions?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-07 22:18

Time has amazing properties: in childhood, when you so want to grow up and do everything yourself, having won a piece of power from your parents, it stretches like caramel melted in the sun. And you can't wait for the longed-for adulthood

In adolescence, the passage of time accelerates, - you need to solve many life problems: to set your own boundaries (with yourself and with significant and not very significant others), you need to face new knowledge about yourself and develop new ways of assessing the world and yourself, you need to maintain stability when new social demands are being put forward and new roles are being proposed.

Now time resembles a car that is still driving on an uneven bumpy road, but the sign at the beginning of this section of the path is yellow, and therefore temporary, which means that the road ahead is flat and you can accelerate faster (and waiting for this speed is still a joy) …

At the stage of early maturity, it is important not to waste time and create close relationships (provided that a person already has certain knowledge about himself and an integrated image of himself), decide on a professional career and once again check with whom I am going and where.

With a sense of time, metamorphoses again occur: you are already on the Autobahn, and any maneuvers on the Autobahn, such as stopping, parking, making a U-turn, are strictly prohibited by traffic rules. No, it's not that it's impossible, but punishable.

And then maturity. Thank God, many tasks have been solved, a large segment has been passed, the right to say something "alas" and to slow down a little, review our knowledge about ourselves, our needs, goals., how with whom and where they should be at a certain point in life), no longer works (and if it does, we increasingly notice his mistakes and discrepancies). It's time to plot your own routes and in any direction.

Hurriedly living all this, we accumulate a huge amount of information: this is not only knowledge about ourselves, about the world, it is also skills, abilities, experience, emotions, sensations. And also unreacted feelings, interrupted dialogues, protracted or frozen conflicts are contained - I want to shout about all this, breaking down into crying, arguing, getting angry, attacking, accusing … and, adjusting the bangs, with faith in the healing effect of time, we go further….

Nobody teaches us how to handle internal information, and we, in our own way, archiving it, in hundreds of gigabytes, faithfully store it in our significantly limited space. Depending on the situation, it can accidentally or deliberately (when it is already unbearable to contain these mudflows) unpacked at different scales. Sometimes it makes me happy (I finally got free!), Sometimes it makes me angry, surprises (“Yes, in the end.. Why so? What’s wrong with me?”), We feel guilty (“Oh, how bad it happened”) or we are ashamed ("How could you? We / I am for you!"), etc. In any case, giving everything out on the mountain, or holding it inside with titanic efforts, we lose adequacy, and as a result, we destroy ourselves or relationships, again experiencing certain emotions about this.

Maybe the whole thing is in the places where the archives are stored: here I will make a "strong closet", I will not lock everything with locks, but everything will be "ok" with the locks. Or I archive everything on an electronic medium, so that the RAM does not occupy and I will be happy.

And the question is not even how to get rid of or not to accumulate, the question is rather in the formation of a culture of ecological attitude towards oneself. For this, the helping professions of a psychologist, psychotherapist, etc. are called upon, the purpose of which is to assist in building a kind of self-regulation channel, in teaching selectivity as opposed to omnivorousness, sensitivity as opposed to alexithymia (inability to differentiate emotions) or anhedonia (inability to feel). The quality of our life depends on the ability to hear, notice ourselves, recognize our feelings; it is a universal tool of psychological self-help available to everyone.

Often my clients come with a feeling of unexplained anxiety that occurs for no apparent reason and creates tangible discomfort. And so, unraveling the threads of the canvas of life, the interweaving of unfinished conversations, unclear relationships, stopped sobs, goodbyes, unexpressed and unlived pain becomes visible. Event layers made it possible to push back sincere feelings, but they did not disappear, did not cease to be. Every time a similar situation happens to us or to someone close to us, these experiences are reawakened, increasing the background anxiety.

And so it turns out that some thought lives in us and splits us into the present and the past, and we are not fully present in either one or the other. And it is even more interesting when, singly or in groups, "some people live in us", they talk, argue with us, teach, instruct, and we either resist them or listen to them in response. We noticed how an external dialogue with a real person turns into an internal one: he did not finish saying something in reality, did not feel it, did not orientate himself, was confused and the external situation turns into an internal one. Emotional gum begins, sticking to situations and emotions associated with it and, it turns out, an exhausting war with oneself.

How to deal with this? How to clear memory of long-unused programs and temporary files? In my opinion, the most important thing is to pay attention to this in general. Not to pack, but to disassemble what, where and where and, accordingly, to whom, how much, in what form and when to issue. After a lot of inventory work, you can make a choice: keep "it" in the internal archives or give up this burden. I will describe the steps that, in my opinion, will greatly simplify the process of putting things in order.

1. Training of awareness of one's presence in every moment of life, the presence of "here and now." This will greatly facilitate the differentiation of your own sensations and feelings. Feelings have a good tendency to go into the background if they came in connection with some event or situation and were lived here and now. It's about the timeliness of the response. For example, now I am walking down the street and I notice…, I see…, I feel…, I want…, I am pleased…, my sensations in the body…
2. Releasing an unfinished relationship by initiating a dialogue with a relationship partner. Of course, it would be nice to clarify this relationship with a real person, but if attempts were made and were in vain or the person is no longer in our life, then the dialogue can be recreated with an imaginary person. It is highly desirable that this process take place in the presence of a psychotherapist who can help in building a conversation and, based on the client's emotional reactions, can support and share observations.
3. Body self-observation, identification of the current psychoemotional state, analysis of non-verbal, bodily signals of the subconscious (sensory awareness) (Psychosomatics and Body Therapy "Mark Sadomirsky). We observe the reactions in the body, our body reacts exactly to certain stimuli in its own way, it would be good to learn how to distinguish and understand these reactions.
4. Introspection and reflection (feedback to oneself:) who I am next to another, what I want, can I ask for what I need, am I free in my manifestations, do I live in harmony with myself and with the world.
5. Honesty (with yourself and with others). Everything in our life is changing, relationships are changing, we are changing too. Something important earlier, after a while, becomes less relevant and attractive. Any relationship never remains static, they, like a living organism, require investments of energy, time, feelings. We often lack the courage and honesty to admit our unwillingness to invest in a relationship. Relationships stretch over time, it becomes more and more painful for us from this. What saves us? Well, of course, we remember the good things that happened in the relationship, and … And we cling even tighter to the rail of the carriage, passing (perhaps with regret) our station. We habitually flee from the pain that accompanies the separation process. To honestly admit the inevitability of completion, to be sad about something, and to say “thank you” for something may be more painful, but not so toxic, than trying to return something that we no longer really need.

It is important to understand that it will not be easy to cope with a caravan of camels laden with our inner "wealth" and we certainly don’t need to be upset if we suddenly see again through the darkness of a sandstorm the hump of a camel, which, as it seemed to us, we had already said goodbye to. Our inner psychic pantry works a little differently than a supermarket pantry. Although even in the supermarket, returns are possible))). So about the camels: one camel at a time, without haste, we take the bridle, feed it, drink it, look at it and without regret, with gratitude for the work done, let it go into the desert … Do not think that the rest of the camels will die themselves in anticipation))), they can do without food and water for a long time. The queues will wait))).