2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What is the difference between our feelings and the form of their expression. How ambiguous this is! Especially when it comes to role models of mom and dad.
When the mother screams, "I will beat you now," this is a form of expression of fear for the child. This is a direct realization of the need to protect. I truly believe that protecting is the perceived function of the mother, not the father. We are the first to take it in our arms and the first to realize how much we can both give life and take it away with one awkward movement. In a child 4 kg, in a mother - 50 at least. So imagine that in your mother, by the way, already inside, 600 kg. Of course it crushes.
And if I, as a mother, do not protect, my inner mother in me will scream: "you are a bad mother!" Because that was how her mother screamed inside my mother, and inside that - hers. There is a crowd of 600 kilogram women yelling, who can withstand such pressure?
And also, if I, as a mother, do not protect, how will my child believe that I love him? After all, not so often life pampers a person with forms of expression of love.
Ok, now dad?
When the father comes up with his advice, where to study and work, with whom to meet and when to marry, when he is indignant: "What are you, a moron?" Eh, if at that moment, next to his son, his angel said in his ear: "He is not shouting this to you. You are not a moron in his eyes. He says this to himself. It's scary for him. It's not even scary that you will repeat his mistakes. It's scary. be a witness of your own again."
And here I believe (while I believe, of course, I'm not dead - I will change my views as psychotherapeutic practice develops) that the father's conscious function is to be useful.
It seems to him that the most accessible form of expression of his need for a child is to teach, to transfer experience, to be useful. A short-term strategy, of course. A child grows up, experience is acquired only through experience, and knowledge is sometimes irrelevant - for example, with professions that are no longer a cake, or with forms of copulation, when the institution of marriage is transformed due to a changed economy. Ended, dad, your usefulness. And what to do?
Why, go after your son and ask your own truth, be offended that he does not hear and does not understand. Only in reality the trick is that we are offended, that they do not listen to us. And we strive to be given time to us. Well these are different needs. Attention can be earned in other ways. Even when it is already outdated and not so "useful", you can be loving and loved.
We teach a lot in schools. Much is taught in religion. They propagandize even more. And they write smart books. Only expressing love is an action, not a theory. And for any action you need a skill. Skill is training. And that's where to get it? It's easier to pump up the ass) Fitness for the ass is, but for the heart - no.
So much for cats after 30. For boys with beards, for girls with cellulite.
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