Five Peaks On The Path Of Life. Article By Vladimir Karikash

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The article discusses the possibility of including in the concept of a basic conflict in the method of positive psychotherapy not only the client's early emotional experience, but also his ability to expand the boundaries of the so-called. basic identities, that is, the ability to revise some stable ideas about oneself

Keywords: identity - primary emotional, situational, character, basic, existential; return loop.

“May people have freedom

independently determine their

essence, retaining the right to it

change throughout life"

Sophie Freud

In the context of Positive Psychotherapy prof. Nosrat Pezeshkian the work of a psychotherapist, whether in a narrow, broad or comprehensive sense [3], can touch upon three levels of depth of changes in the client's inner reality: event-symptomatic, meaningful or basic (the level of fixed basic emotional attitudes).

The first and second levels involve working with the so-called actual conflicts, actual abilities and concepts. They can rather be attributed to short-term therapy (10-30 sessions).

In this case, the techniques of positive reinterpretation, a dialogue with a symptom, the use of DAO and a balance model, metaphors, a transcultural approach, art therapy, psychodrama, and others have proven themselves well. [3]

Changes at the third level - the level of the so-called basic conflict require more time, a special readiness of the client for such changes, corresponding to the qualifications of a psychotherapist.

According to N. Pezeshkian, the basic conflict of the personality is based on the fixed emotional attitudes formed in childhood, which subsequently affect the ability and success of building emotional relationships in 4 main areas: I, You, We, Pra-we. In this model, psychotherapeutic work focuses on correcting these attitudes towards increasing their "okay" or "inner well-being" in all four areas: I +, You +, We +, Pra-we +.

I propose to define this part of early emotional personal experience by the term “primary emotional identity” of a person. It is she who underlies the further dynamics of a person's life scenario. “Whoever has not fastened the first button correctly will no longer fasten properly” - Johann Goethe.

In this work, under the term "identity" we mean the result of self-identification [5] or auto-identification [4] of a person, presented in her Self-concept, i.e. self-identity.

In the context of the 3 therapeutic levels of work (see above), we will isolate and divide at the first level the situational identity, at the second, the identity of character and abilities, and at the third, the basic identity.

In this case, at the first level, reflexive questions such as: "Who am I in this situation?" or projective techniques such as: "In this situation, I am a person who …". The questions "Who am I?", "What am I?", Considered from the second level, are not tied to a specific situation and can be addressed to more stable characteristic components of the client's inner reality.

For example, in the PP it can be the client's current abilities and concepts (I am polite, accurate, communicative, patient).

The difference between the basic identity, which is activated at the 3rd level, will be self-identification based on stable categories of the so-called "big figures": gender, nationality, race, language, profession, age, religion, etc. This self-identity gives greater stability, structural completeness of the self-concept, creating a sense of integrity, confidence, meaningfulness, strengthening the boundaries, strengthening the "immune system" of the personality (I / not-I). On the other hand, self-identity based on large, stable figures can offer greater resistance to imminent changes in the structure of the personality, increasing existential anxiety, inhibiting the formation of new identities. Apparently, in this case, personal development requires a new, special resource of "energy of big figures", which will allow and help to expand the boundaries of old concepts and create the basis for the cultivation of new, relevant identities.

Thus, it can be assumed that not only the primary emotional identity, but also the basic identity, which interacts with actual events of the internal or external reality of a person, may lie at the heart of the basic conflict, and therefore the basic resource. Outdated, frozen ideas about oneself prevent one from moving forward in accordance with new life realities, or even bring them back, forcing them to go through an experience that was not experienced in due time again - the so-called "return loop" is triggered. In this case, work can be aimed at developing the ability to expand the old boundaries of basic identities.

Of particular interest to us is the dynamics of changes in age identity ("I am still …" or "I am already …") in the context of existential life crises (the time has come for a new identity, but what to do with the old one?). Identity formed on the basis of age self-identification in the context of existential values, we define as existential identity. Reflexive questions like: "Who am I at this stage of my life, and what are my most important goals and values?"

Based on my personal and professional experience, as well as the experience of colleagues, I suppose that there are special rather long periods in a person's life, in which it is precisely existential identity that largely begins to determine the dynamics of his life scenario. I distinguish 5 such periods - “5 summits of fate”. At the same time, the symbolic road of life looks like a consistent ascent to these peaks. Having risen to the next height, i.e. having acquired the support and integrity of your "I", having completed the formation of one basic existential identity, you begin to see the next peak to which life directs you, and the ascent to which will require you to first descend (preparedness for losses), and then a new ascent (the formation of a new existential identity).

Starting to describe this process, let us pay attention to the relationship and difference between the concepts “ role" and " identity". Various roles, participating in the mechanism of self-identification, can ultimately form a corresponding role identity [1]. But at the same time, from our point of view, the role will most likely belong to the category of the process of formation, and identity - to the result. You can act as a parent, husband, father, etc., without feeling like they are in the inner being. In this case, questions like: “Having become a father, how much are you really that inside of yourself? or: “How many percent of the truth within yourself do you hear when uttering the phrase:“I am a father”? - will be addressed specifically to identity, and not to the role. The reverse process can also be observed, when a frozen, frozen identity creates pseudo-roles for its reinforcement. So, the frozen identity of I-mom makes the grandmother turn to her granddaughter with the words: - You, my daughter, and to the dog: - You, my son, mommy will feed you now.

At the heart of the self-image, which is formed at the first stage of the life path - the ascent to the first peak, lies first existential identity - I am the son (daughter) of my parents … (In what follows, using the concepts “son”, “he”, “father”, etc., I will also keep in mind female identities).

Most macro and micro events (macro and micro trauma) at this stage will revolve around this identity. The first emotional experience (ability to love) and cognitive (ability to know) transmitted from parents and other adults also refer to the I-son identity. Most of this identity is subconsciously connected not so much with the answer to the question: - Who am I? or - What am I ?, but rather with the question: - Whose am I? As soon as a child gets lost, he will be immediately asked: - Whose are you? And in the first official document, "Birth Certificate", most of the text indicates whose I am, and the patronymic for life is intended to remind me of whose son I am. The I-son identity gives me the right to use more of the “take” part in the “take / give” law. I have the right to receive love, care for my body, soul, spirit, feel comfortable and protected, etc. At the same time, my privileges in this attachment are paid for by dependence, lack of independence, obedience, etc. Of the 4 basic emotional attitudes, the attitude that forms the relationship to your Self is fixed first, and the rest (You, We, Pra-We) are less involved, although they also have to train, as they will be pivotal on subsequent peaks.

In relations with parents, "childish love" develops, in which the stage of attachment predominates with an emphasis on the actual abilities of "love" and "obedience". The ability to accept love is being formed - “to fill your own reservoir of love”.

The need to receive, to possess, to be someone else prevails over the need to be someone. Maybe here are the origins of the dilemma mentioned by Erich Fromm - "To have or to be." Fixation on this existential identity limits the perception of the world to the sphere of satisfying only one's own needs without applying one's own efforts.

It can be assumed that the first existential identity completes its formation, reaches its peak, a person approaches the first peak of his experience, when the body acquires complete forms and says to me: - You are a man. Now for my parents I remain a son, and strangers around me more and more often turn to me: - Man! … The very course of life brings me to the need to pave the way for second peak, i.e. form existential identity I am an adult, independent man … But the path to it begins with a descent from the first summit, separation from the parental nest and the acquisition of independence. The first “tests of change in the face of inevitable loss” begin [7, p.33].

Using the balance model of Nossrat Pezeshkian, it is possible to distinguish 4 spheres in which separation from parents occurs, and independence and independence are formed as necessary conditions for the second existential identity I am a man (Fig. 1)

At this transitional stage, parents, frozen in their own identities, can either maintain influence in all spheres, or, on the contrary, abruptly cut off all ties (push the child out of the nest early). As my practice shows, psychosomatic disorders in adulthood can sometimes be based on the still stable I-son identity and subconscious dependence in the “body” sphere on parental figures (even after the death of the parents). And, on the contrary, the experience of parents expanding the boundaries of their own identity, going beyond the limits of parental identity in relations with their son, while maintaining the love and authority of the big “parent” figure, will contribute to a change in the existential identity of I-son to I-man. At this stage of life, the concept is applicable: “The father is not the one to rely on, but the one who will relieve you of this habit” (De Mello Anthony).

Mastering the second peak - the formation of the existential identity I-man - involves, in addition to developing the ability to form new attachments, as well as go through the stages of differentiation and separation in these relationships. Thus, the basis for new close trusting relationships will be the gradual abandonment of attachment relations - dependence on the formation of the ability to live all 3 stages of interaction according to Nossrat Pezeshkian: attachment → differentiation → separation → attachment. Mature, free, adult and independent love develops, based not on domination, but on respect, understanding and acceptance of the other. “The problem of confrontation and acceptance of grievances and disappointments can be described through the process of establishing differences (differentiation - VK) between the desire for attachment and the desire to dominate the interpersonal relationships of a married couple” [7, p. 35].

“We cannot control someone and at the same time love him … strength and love are antagonistic values …. Humility can lead to malignant formations, struggle - to heart diseases”[6, p.103-105]. In addition to the primary actual abilities - love, trust, tenderness, sex, patience - secondary ones begin to be included in new relationships - justice, sincerity, politeness, obligation, cleanliness, etc.

In this case, we can say that the new identity I-man will underlie new, mature partnerships. Right now the time comes to fully manifest the emotional attitude "I - +, You - +" and the ability to develop partnership in all four areas (Fig. 2)

Independence as a whole presupposes to cease to be someone's, but to become someone, and in partnership see, first of all, an adult, independent, responsible, free, independent woman or man. Injuries and disappointments in partnerships with an unformed existential identity of the self-man cause existential anxiety.

A neurotic attempt to remove it can be expressed in the action of 3 mechanisms:

1) A regressive mechanism is launched - a return to the I-son identity ("return loop"). In partnerships, regression appears as fixed concepts or if-conditions. "As long as you are mine (or I am yours), I love you" instead of "I love you because you are."

2) The depressive mechanism starts. Parental affection is no longer satisfying, and there is still no new one. There is a loss of energy. "One foot presses on the gas, the other on the brake."

3) The mechanism "Leap into the future" is launched - an attempt to quickly create your own family and, thus, become an adult faster, ie. jump from the first peak to the third, bypassing the second. This is probably why the actual abilities of "loyalty" and "trust" may be critical for maintaining relationships in young families.

The formation of the existential identity I-man prepares the transition to the next third peak of existential identity I am parent … In the “take - give” law, the “give” position begins to prevail. The hidden reason for the collapse of early marriages can be either finding partners on different vertices or jumping to the third vertex, bypassing the second, i.e. bypassing the experience of acquiring partnerships. At the same time, a divorce can give a chance to acquire maturity, go the way to the second peak, form a stable “I - +, You - +” attitude and move towards creating a family, where, in addition to I and You, the figure of We also appears. One part of this We are children who conquer their first peak, and then the second. Another part is the parents, who, being on the third peak and keeping their family, at the same time have to change with their children. And for them, after the children grow up and leave the parental home to their second peak, the existential identity of the self-parent turns out to be less and less in demand. By this time, their own parents often die (the first peak empties), and professional identity collapses with retirement. The time is coming for the third life crisis. Without the expansion of the old identity, neurotic mechanisms for relieving existential anxiety are triggered: regression - flight to "bachelor parties" and "bachelorette parties"; depression - marking time; compulsion (walking in a circle) - creating a new family, i.e. transition to another third peak, again becoming a Parent to one's own or someone else's children.

In a progressive way overcoming the crisis will be the formation of a new socially active existential identity I am a person … I begin to feel myself and my destiny more than in the identity of a son, husband, father, friend, relative. I think about my purpose, about the benefits for others. I am ready to give part of my time and my energy for the good of strangers, for the surrounding nature, ecology, etc., without demanding reward. I am ready to become not a sponsor, but a philanthropist. I am starting to show social maturity and actively participate in various social projects and organizations. And not because there is nowhere to put the time, but because I see a special meaning in this. I perceive humanity as a big family (big We).

Having reached a peak at this summit, having become entrenched in the I-human identity, you begin to acutely understand and feel that human life is finite. That many people, things and your deeds will outlive you. That in the face of death everything acquires one meaning, and in the face of eternity - another. Death awaits at the foot of the fifth peak, and immortality awaits at the top. The time is coming for the formation of a cosmic identity (Nossrat Pezeshkian) - I am part of the universe … The ability to love through the sphere of Pra-We is actively involved. Questions of the meaning of life, death, life after death, good, evil, faith, etc. occupy a special place. The formation of a cosmic existential identity I am part of the Universe allows you not only to cope with the fear of death, not only to get satisfaction from comprehending the path traveled, but also to be imbued with the bright hope of a transition to the majestic realm of immortality of the spirit.

Concluding this article, I would like to note that such existential periodization should not be considered formal stages of development. Different identities can simultaneously and in the same place intersect, compete or complement each other. It is not for nothing that in our culture we like to gather both friends and relatives on holidays in order to give the opportunity to simultaneously manifest our different identities and the identities of all those present.

Literature

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