2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
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No matter how awful it sounds, we have the right not to think about a loved one, even when he feels bad. And this does not mean that we do not love him. This means that he is a separate person and I am a separate person, even though we are close people.
This (terrible) permission must be given to ourselves in order to disconnect from the disturbing feelings that overwhelm us. After all, in fact, we do not help a loved one with our worries. Yes, we do a bunch of actions (important or unimportant), but it is difficult for us to cope with the same main element of what is happening - our emotional state.
When we give ourselves permission in thoughts to leave a loved one and return to our life - we are taking a step towards restoring our resource.
But what hinders this? Rising feelings of guilt.
- I will be bad if I allow myself not to think about a loved one who is very sick.
- I'll be bad if I allow myself to think about myself.
“I’ll be bad if I allow myself a little bit of joy.
- I'll be bad …
So let's include our sane part here.
When we constantly think about a loved one (or, more precisely, worry about him), we do not help him or ourselves, but only waste our precious resource.
Yes, our fear is natural - we worry about the life of this person. And, therefore, I cannot really help him. Not to save, but to help.
What is the difference?
When we save a person, we see in him a helpless person, we turn to this part of him. But man is larger than all of his individual parts.
Yes, he is not so strong now, or even very weak, but not helpless.
He is not a baby - he has the ability to voice his desires. He has a head, arms, legs.. He has his soul and his consciousness. He has the ability to think. He has the ability to want to cope with this situation. He has the opportunity to want to continue living his life, to fight for it.
He has the opportunity to learn how to cope with his pain caused by the disease. After all, we are always running from pain, and this is part of life. What is happening to him and to you now is a natural part of life. And if we don't look at him as a victim, he has the ability to cope.
Give the person the opportunity to cope with their pain. With his own life lesson (not punishment, but a lesson that should teach him something).
In order to feel, in relation to life, not as a victim, but as a fully-fledged acting person, it is necessary to rethink your life experience. Live and experience your position as a victim-hostage of the situation and decide who I am in relation to life? What can I do for myself now?
And his family will help him …
But they will only help, not do it for him, leaving the person in the same position of the victim. Difficult life situations are given to us so that we can grow and get stronger.
In fact, our soul is happy when it passes its test. It is our mind that resists, and the soul (spirit) wants to overcome the situation in which a person is. He needs to pass his test in order to free himself from his inner shackles, becoming strong and free.
The spirit of each person is strong - it is only important to connect with him, and not with his role as a victim.
But it so happens that a person chooses to remain in the role of a victim. And this is his choice.
And no matter how difficult it is, we should not take those steps for him that he can take himself. We need to do what we would do for him, as for a beloved dear and full-fledged (although now ill) person.
But not to do what would reinforce his inferiority in him.
P. S. For those who are now going through a similar experience, I wish you strength and sensitivity to what is happening ❤️
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