2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
For more than five years I have been living with a diagnosis of oncology.
About once half a year, doctors scare me with the progression of the disease. I cannot say that I am not worried at all, but I am so calm that I continue to work and do all my usual things.
About three years ago, I started going to a psychological support group for cancer patients and their loved ones. The group was led by a colleague named Pavel. He deliberately triggered negative group dynamics, in simple terms, almost imperceptibly, set the participants against each other.
I will never forget the words of a young widow who lost her husband to cancer in a matter of months. I don’t remember the details, it seems they didn’t want to take me for treatment, and Pavel “neatly” screwed in, nodding at me that, they say, she achieved, but your husband did not.
I wrote in detail about how I sought medical assistance under the compulsory medical insurance in a series of notes:
Invitation to execution or candidate for elimination?
- You are a pearl, like a tank! Not everyone can do that! - said the widow, looking at me with hatred.
That evening I had a very strong nervous breakdown, and I got out of it only thanks to my colleague Natasha Komova.
Why did the words of this unfamiliar woman hurt me so?
Because, I am not a tank at all and I also wanted to be weak and to be pitied and supported, but I understood that, in fact,
the widow was right
If I, like that frog, would not beat with my paws, wallowing in milk, I would never have “whipped butter”!
If I didn't know how to rely on myself, but passively waited for someone's support, I would not have lived for a long time …
My mom has a friend who lives in Germany under the Holocaust Victim Assistance Program. They call her all the time and remind her:
- Frau Maya, do you urgently need to undergo an examination?
- Frau Maya, why don't you visit the pool?
We live in another country, where the main motto is:
Now, when, once again, a relapse is suspected in me, I will also do everything to LIVE!
Here's my algorithm of actions in any of the most difficult situations
- If doors are closing in front of you, look for an opportunity to climb through the window. For example, all morning today I tried in vain to call the call center to make an appointment with the district oncologist, in order to take a referral to the clinic for examination. I just went and made an agreement, and in the absence of a doctor, took a referral from the senior nurse, which she signed from the head doctor.
- If the situation is not so critical and urgent, it is worth considering that if this door closes in front of your nose, some other, more suitable door may open. For example, you have ended a relationship with a significant man. This may give you the chance to meet another person who appreciates you more. Or you are laid off at work, which means there is an opportunity to start a business that you like
- In any of the most dire situations, look for benefits. For example: no matter how monstrous it may sound in my case: if it turns out that the neoplasm that the doctor discovered is not malignant, I will thank the Universe again and again, and if I have to undergo chemotherapy again, it will be a new experience of survival, because
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