2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What fatigue can be and why sometimes we get tired of communication, and sometimes we get charged. If you are tired, you either worked hard or held back a lot,”Igor Pogodin said somewhere in the middle of the first stage of the gestalt therapy training program. I remember sitting at that moment with a cast-iron head, which seemed to be beaten with spoons, and could not understand why after three hours of group therapy I feel like after three days of mopping. I was too tired and too confident that I was an introvert. Introvert, period.
Do you endow yourself with some kind of markings? Introvert, extrovert, manifesto, projector? I do, and I noticed that the label is easier to live with. It is energetically cheaper to live with an understanding of who you are. And there is no need to try differently when you know in advance that nothing will come of it. And it is understandable to sit in your own, which rules the inner world.
It's safe, but it can be overwhelming.
It is tiresome for an introvert who knows that communication with people is exhausting for him to go to therapy groups. And if I didn't know what miracles happen in such groups, I would avoid it with all my might. But I knew, and I tried to understand why I was sitting and could not move.
Are you looking for an answer if it is difficult to live without an answer?
I am, so I returned home even more tired. And since I urgently needed to understand why I was so overworked, I decided that there were as many as two answers - I worked a lot and I am an introvert, who is in public, like a vampire in the sun. Only his energy is drunk by other people.
Energy vampires exist - I have had no doubt about that since childhood.
Something changed after a few more months of the program, when I noticed that I was getting tired sometimes more, sometimes less, or even not at all by the end of the third day of the session. And then I noticed even more, or rather other people noticed it to me.
- I mean, you're an introvert? You are a real generator and an extrovert, they told me. And then I seriously thought about energy and people.
How is it that in one company I open up, communicate, strain my brains, work - and fill up at the same time? And in another company I get tired from the doorway, doing nothing?
In About Energy Vampires, Igor explained this phenomenon. Well, I found out about him somewhere towards the end of the first stage, when it became clear to me that, in fact, you can hold back in order to get tired well at the same time.
Feelings. Reactions. Desires. Emotions. Together
When we communicate with people, we cannot remain indifferent spectators. Other people always do something to us - whether it is an attack of tenderness, or anger. Either it is a feeling of closeness, or contact dysfunction, when it seems that you are talking with the wrapper and the wrapper itself - without anything inside, except what is prescribed by the socio-ethical code. Either we want to cry, or hug and rejoice - we always want something next to other people, but what do we do?
More often than not, I hold back.
Well, because laughing loudly and hugging from the doorway is strange, showing anger can be dangerous, tenderness can be aggressive, but honestly talking about what you think is energetically unprofitable. Because I noticed that when you talk to people honestly and as it is, the reaction is not obvious. This is all clear in physics - where the ball is kicked, it will roll there, but nothing is clear with a person. And you never know how he will react to your tenderness. And from this it is scary, ashamed, guilty. And shame, fear and guilt are expensive, it seems. Better without them. It's easier to hold back and smile sweetly. But then my head hurts and my energy is in the red.
Sucked - I thought before and sat in my introversion, hiding behind explanations why I do not like the company of people, like a blanket.
Restrained - I understand now that fatigue does not correspond to the amount of work that I have done. And here the most interesting thing begins - what I kept, how it was, why and how much it cost me. Contacts with people have become more direct and understandable, and my fatigue … I still work with her, but now I understand how to approach her without attracting the attention of fairy-tale characters:)
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