2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I thought about the difference between guilt and responsibility from this angle. I used to distinguish guilt from responsibility by a temporary basis - guilt refers to the past (you cannot change what you have done), responsibility - to the future (I can do something about it).
And today I thought that the difference is also in resources:
- if I did something wrong, but I have external and internal resources to change or compensate for it, then I can talk about responsibility.
- and if there is no resource to change - about wine.
And then we all interpret events in different ways, where for one is still responsibility - for another is already the fault, because everyone has different resources.
I accidentally looked at the uncle of a motivational coach, where he cheerfully broadcast about the fact that he had money, investments, yachts-planes and he differs from rogue-losers in that, they say, he is not afraid to take risks, there is no fear in him, and you, pussies, piss here and you have no dough and yachts.
And I gloomily thought that my uncle is not fearless, my uncle just has the skills, knowledge and experience in making money and building a business, and repeatedly getting out of the financial ass, but his listeners do not have such skills. Therefore, where he is such a fine fellow and takes responsibility for his life - his listeners flooded with guilt and shame.
Earlier, at the dawn of my work, I was very afraid that I would be fired, and when I was older I became much less afraid. Do you know why? Because I have an external resource - an envelope with a supply of money. And an internal resource - over time, I realized that I am a fairly good professional, that I am able to bring benefit and profit, and this is appreciated by employers and that I will not be left without work.
And understand, this is not about this stupid "believe in yourself, believe in the good and everything will be fine." This is true about a lot of internal and external work, about assigning to oneself real boundaries “I can-can’t”, “I can-don’t know how”, about conscious work on what “I don’t have, but I need”.
Therefore, in the same situation, some people say “I can handle it, we’ll swim out” because they have these very external or internal resources - in material form, in the form of skills, in the form of experience (their own or spied on), while others start to panic, because there are no resources, there is nothing to rely on. And when there is nothing to rely on, no responsibility is possible.
I don’t remember which of the coaches said the wonderful phrase “They don’t give responsibility, they take responsibility”. This is not an external process, but an internal one, requiring internal changes.
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