2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How to recognize a manipulator and guilt?
How to stop the manipulator and eliminate the feeling of guilt?
Imagine, one of your close people asks you to do something, but you cannot or do not want to. A colleague talks about a boss who is not happy with your report, his father complains that you rarely call him …
Sometimes we manipulate ourselves, but this type of manipulation is difficult to recognize, since it is in the subconscious.
Think you are doing this because you want or force yourself to be good and get approval from others? Are you offended for any of your reactions? Are you making yourself worse as a punishment?
If you answer YES, then you are self-flagellating. I congratulate you, you noticed how you are being manipulated!
If a person is weak, and he wants to please everyone and always, he is used to pleasing others at the expense of his inconveniences. This is the role of the victim.
Try not to fall for the manipulator's tricks. Don't let your emotions take over, even if you give in, take a break and don't show fear and excitement.
Think about yourself and your desires. Then the manipulator will not be able to manipulate you.
How to stop the manipulator and eliminate the feeling of guilt?
If you are accustomed to always being guilty, then in case of accusation, a signal in your brain automatically turns on - "I am guilty." In this case, you can hardly remember all the tips and tricks. Template break, stopper and confusion occurs.
Consider if it is your fault or if the manipulator is trying to blame you. Find positive experiences from each situation.
The main practice in confrontation. Track and Reflect.
Now for the exercise:
Write down moments in your life in what situations, and who makes you feel guilty? What are you accused of? With a high degree of probability, they are repeated and relate to the same people, actions and topics. The main thing is to notice the emotions that accompany you in these situations.
There are ways of protection for each manipulation, these are the same techniques that the manipulator uses only directed against himself.
1. Bullying.
Use direct or covert (verbal) threats in response to manipulation.
- At work, your colleague from the next department says: "I see how you work, all clients leave you without a purchase."
In a normal situation, you will make excuses and prove that this is not so. But using the intimidation technique, your behavior will be different.
You will answer: “I see that you are watching me instead of work. I think the leader will be interested to know about it."
2. Compulsion.
You are being forced to do something. If you said "YES" twice, then most likely you will say "YES" the third time. This turnover is also called gypsy hypnosis.
Plutarch told how one Roman was accused of wanting to get a divorce: “Isn't your wife faithful to you? Isn't she pretty? " "How can you divorce her?"
“Isn't my shoe good? But how many knows how he shakes my leg!"
3. Emotional
Your emotions are a litmus test for the manipulator. With the help of it, he throws you off balance. To stop the manipulator, evoke negative emotions in him.
For example, you can not let him finish: "you are an egoist, I have long wanted to tell you about this."
"How long is this?"
"It doesn't matter, the point is not that, but that you …"
- "why not in this?"
Here you see the desire of the manipulator to evoke an emotion of anger, irritation. You were able to return it to him.
Here is the main practice.
These are some of the techniques that will help you to counter the attacks of manipulators yourself. It is very important to track your own condition. You have become more confident in yourself, stronger, free.
Sincerely yours. Tatiana Ischenko Psychologist online.
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