2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Boys should be raised by men, no doubt about it. But the role of the mother in the life of a growing son cannot be underestimated. Is it easy to be the “right” mother for a boy? After three it's too late In the first three years of a boy's life, there is a close psychological bond between him and his mother. This is a very important period in raising a son for a woman. Then it will not be easy to correct the mistakes made, and sometimes, alas, it is impossible. It is easier to prevent annoying flaws that in the future may become obstacles to the son's well-being in certain areas of life. This does not require any supernatural effort or heroic self-sacrifice from the mother. For women who want to feel harmoniously in the role of a mother and be sure that they are doing everything possible so that their son grows up a happy and successful person, psychologist Lyudmila Ovsyanik recommends:
1. To love the father of your child and to feel that love is mutual. Women who are passionate about their husband, share bed with him, not with the child, feel loved and sexually attractive, rarely show a tendency to hyper- or hypo-care. As a result, sons have no chance of becoming psychologically dependent on their mothers or becoming spoiled family idols. Due to the fact that the children of women who are happily married do not doubt the authenticity of maternal love, they grow up with a sense of security and trust in people and the world, they develop high self-esteem and, as a rule, there are no difficulties in establishing social contacts. A person who in childhood felt loved and desired by both parents is able to experience and show love for his loved ones - spouse, children, parents.
2. Sincerely respect the father of your child. If a woman does not have respect for her husband, all the more she despises him (and it does not matter at all whether she does it explicitly or covertly: the child at the subconscious level unmistakably captures the tonality of the relationship between mother and father), the son will grow up with the conviction that he himself is a worthless man … Women who meet him on the way will further strengthen this faith, because they will see him as a miserable loser, an unworthy representative of the stronger sex and will be treated accordingly. What if the father is not or has ceased to be a worthy role model (for example, he abuses alcohol or is addicted to drugs) and the mother has nothing to respect him for? The verdict of psychologist Lyudmila Ovsyanik is categorical: a woman, for the sake of herself and the well-being of her son, should get rid of her codependency as soon as possible, even at the cost of destroying the marriage. Ideally, do not even try to build relationships with men who have alcohol or drug addiction, and even more so do not give birth to children from them.
3. Regularly instill in yourself: "I am wonderful / amazing / gorgeous / wonderful / … mother!". This is important for the reason that a mother, who does not doubt her parenting abilities, infects her son with her confidence and thereby creates a sense of security and safety in him. In addition, women who consider themselves to be good mothers are less likely to make mistakes in raising children, and when failures (they are inevitable) do occur, they treat them as random events and try to gain useful experience from what happened. Realizing that they were wrong, such parents are always ready to apologize, which means they teach their children not to be afraid of mistakes and not reprimand themselves for oversights.
4. Feel fulfilled in work and hobbies. Women who love their jobs and have hobbies tend to have high self-esteem and self-esteem. The child for them does not become the center of the Universe. The lack of desire to compensate for professional failure to fulfill a beneficial effect on the strategy of raising children. Thus, women who are successful in their professional sphere rarely torment their children with excessive attention and unjustified control - on the contrary, from an early age they teach them to be independent and responsible. (Not delaying giving a reasonable degree of freedom is especially important when raising boys.) In addition, through work success, a mother can easily win the respect of her adolescent children.
5. Encourage all manifestations of the son's independence, even inconvenient ones. If the mother suppresses the boy, rigidly indicates what he should and should not do, constantly suppresses his attempts to cope with some business on his own, often unjustly punishes him, he will grow up lacking initiative, lethargic, weak-willed, insecure - in general, spineless, by a dirtied man. Authoritarian women will become his ideal, since he will feel psychologically comfortable only being in tight-knit gloves.
Landmarks on the right path
By what signs can you determine whether a mother is raising her son correctly, whether she makes gross mistakes? Psychologist Lyudmila Ovsyanik names two main criteria for maternal success: The boy has few fears, and they do not interfere with his life. Otherwise, it is better for parents to consult a psychologist. Fear of the dark or the fear of being at home alone are common childhood problems that adults, unfortunately, do not always give due importance to, and sometimes consider a variant of the norm. You should not rely on the fact that a child will outgrow his fears without outside help; for his normal mental development, it is important to seek help in a timely manner. Within the framework of his age, the boy is independent. Parents who do not do a job for their child that they can do on their own are very wise. So, a 4-year-old baby can vacuum the room and wipe the dust off the furniture. A 5-year-old can make himself a simple breakfast (for example, a sandwich), feed and clean up a pet, and pay for small purchases in the store. A 6-year-old can be safely entrusted with watering flowers and plants, weeding weeds in the garden, peeling vegetables, setting the table.
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