Where Did The Real Men Disappear To?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Author: Mikhail Labkovsky Source

The good news is that real men are still here. They were, are and will be, as they say. The trouble is completely different

There are more and more women who are attracted by the image of a man who is infantile, irresponsible and does not take on obligations, who has not taken place in his career and is dependent on his mother.

They only see men like that. Others are simply not noticed.

Why? Because in the parental family, the mother ran everything. Because "the father will mix up or forget." Perhaps he really was infantile and unadapted to life, perhaps it was more convenient for my mother to imagine him like that. Maybe he was silly and my mother had to support the family. Maybe he drank at all.

As a result, the male image that is formed in the girl in childhood, and her interest in men are, like all of us, directed. If a girl has never seen what a “man - the head of the family” is, she will not react to the appearance of such a man in her adult life. He scares her, pushes her away, scares her. She doesn't understand how to interact with him. She notices those who remind her of her father. And gradually, because of this "tunnel" vision, she begins to believe that all men are like that. They are all the same.

Note that this works both ways. Many men act in the spirit of "All women are mercantile." Everything is logical: their mothers pulled money from their fathers or sawed, because there was little money, and as a result, this man chooses a lady for his partner who fits into this picture of the world: a woman sits on a man's neck. Are all women like that? Of course not. He just does not see others.

All of us, and this is a fact, strive to find in our lives those people whom we have already met in childhood. Because these are principles of behavior that are understandable to us, these are familiar traits of character, this is a certain model of behavior that is clear to us. If we meet with a person of a different type, we do not have any associations in our head, and purely subconsciously he becomes for us either a source of danger, or an empty place. In any case, we are unable to feel attraction to the unknown. This is a psychological phenomenon that has been known for a long time, but few people turn to psychologists to destroy these formed stereotypes. In fact, everyone should look at their parents and ask: do I want such a family? If not, you need to change something in yourself.

Of course, our grown up girl does not live in an information vacuum. Now they write and talk a lot about the feminization of society, about the fact that men are becoming less and less courageous, and women are becoming stronger and stronger, "the man has shrunk", this is pouring from everywhere. And she clings to this thought, finding her at once a million confirmations from the immediate environment: yes, here they are, infantile, irresponsible men. She is convinced that everything is really that bad and takes such an infantile as her husband. There are no others in her picture of the world.

And it’s not her fault! This is a social problem, and a huge one. In Russia, there is generally no universal model of family and relationship building. A multinational country that has gone through different regimes and systems, has accumulated a lot of different traditions, and each of them has its own understanding of what a man is and what is his role in a family. The change of eras changed roles too abruptly: either the man had to fight, then he and his wife had to run the house, then the demographic picture changed so that after the war only weak men who did not fight survived, and women took on basic functions, plus competition for at least some - some man …

In the 19th century, everything was pretty clear: peasant families lived like this, nobles lived like this, workers lived like this. In every social stratum, the roles of husband and wife were generally predetermined, responsibilities were shared, and prospects were clear. A certain behavior and participation in the life of the family was expected from a man-count; something completely different was expected from a man-farmer. Clearly, specifically, and so it was throughout the empire. Of course, taking into account traditions, in the Caucasus it was not quite the same as in the Asian regions, but in general, society had a structure. When they got married, both parties had a pretty clear idea of what awaited them. In a working-class family, the question “Will the wife work?” Was not raised. Of course it will be! As well as this question was not raised in the count's family: of course, it will not.

In Soviet times, all these dogmas collapsed. Women have acquired the right to education, profession and - the obligation to work. For part of society, this was a long-awaited victory, for another - the death of all hopes. At the same time, let me remind you that it was not an opportunity to work. It was a duty, and they were judged for parasitism.

What did we get on the way out? Most of us grew up in families where both parents worked. And suddenly the obligation to work was canceled: if you want - work, if you don't want - don't work. Everything is upside down again! And it turned out that some of the women and men happily rushed to the "noble" scheme: the husband works, the wife at home; the other part - to the "working": both work; and some - to the "feminist": she makes a career, and he - as he wants.

And all these schemes have the right to exist, the only question is to find a partner who would share exactly your view of how a family should be arranged. Yes, in the 21st century this is more difficult to do than in the 19th. But it’s quite real.