Why Emotion?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Very often in practice, I come across the fact that our emotions frighten us. We divide them into positive and negative, good and bad, right and wrong. And we try to get rid of some of them, and increase others and bring them to life. But emotions are such a thing in which it is impossible to single out one part, try to preserve it, and ignore the other part and not notice. Our emotions are something whole and inseparable. And very often trying to suppress one part, which most consider negative, we lose the second, it is not sad.

Emotions are not really defined as good or bad, negative or positive. Each emotion has a very important purpose. The thing is, why do some emotions scare us, why do we want to get rid of them? What happens to us when we experience these emotions and feelings, why do we try to avoid or ignore them?

Everyone has their own emotion that they avoid. Someone avoids anger, someone is sadness, and someone is joy. But why is this happening?

Most often this is due to the fact that we were forbidden to express and feel certain emotions, and then this emotion has not been sufficiently mastered by us. The prohibition to feel a feeling can look and be presented as a kind of belief: "boys never cry," "a girl cannot be angry, but should be kind and caring," etc. Gradually, the child learns to do something with the feeling that arises, for example, to suppress so as not to experience it.

If the emotion or feeling is not suppressed, the child remains in contact with it, he feels it and gradually learns to express it in different ways. At first, these methods may not be very popular with those close to them, for example, if a child feels anger or anger, he can stomp his feet, bang his fist, even try to bite someone, etc. But gradually he finds those ways that allow him to express the feeling in an adequate way. For example, an adult can directly speak about his anger to the interlocutor, show it in intonation and volume of speech, etc. But this is possible only if he has trained before. This person understands what feeling he is experiencing, can choose the form of its expression, choose the right moment or wait for it to appear; can keep himself from showing feelings if he realizes that now is not the right time and place. That is, this person remains the master of what happens to him, he owns the emotion, and not the emotion to him.

If there was no such training experience in childhood, it was simply forbidden to experience an emotion or feeling, then in those situations where this feeling is very strong, it seems to cover the person. He has difficulty in controlling his condition and the degree of expression of this feeling. Usually he loses control in situations of strong experience, since this person has learned to suppress or ignore feelings of weak strength. And when this feeling is very strong, then it is simply not possible to suppress it, and what to do with it, if not suppress it - there is no experience and skill.

After all, certain feelings arise in us, we cannot make it so that they were not. But it turns out that we don’t know how to deal with some: we don’t know how to be in contact with them, to allow ourselves to feel them, to express them, to take care of ourselves and to support ourselves when we experience them. If we do not know how to deal with them, then it is easier to call them negative and build our lives so as not to face them.

But in such a life, we deprive ourselves of very important things. For example, if we try to avoid anger and do not know how to deal with it, then we often deprive ourselves of the strength and energy to defend something of our own - our interests, our views, values, life. Since the main task of anger is to show that someone has violated my boundaries. And here we mean not only territorial boundaries, but also psychological and social ones. Remember as in animals - anger and fighting behavior occurs when territory is violated, food, cubs and life are seized. If someone does not avoid anger, but knows how to deal with it, this does not mean that he is always angry or easily provokes it in himself.

The main purpose of sadness is to help you survive the loss of something, to mourn, to leave and move on. If this process is possible, sadness and grief are not suppressed, then such a person, some time after grieving, returns to ordinary life and is able to easily rejoice, be surprised, get angry, etc. live a fulfilling life. His strength and energy will not go to restrain the sadness, which is still present, but allow him to live.

Now we will not consider all emotions (perhaps this is the topic of the next publications). It seems to me that you can feel for yourself what each of the emotions is for. But it is each emotion or feeling that performs its very important task, and when we suppress this or that emotion, we run away from it, we do not let it do its job. The feeling that arises wants to convey a message to us, and if we suppress this feeling, then we will not be able to hear this message and build our behavior.

If you understand that certain feelings frighten you, then you can try to master this feeling. But it's important to do it slowly and gradually. At first, just try to pay attention to the situations in which it occurs. What message does it contain? Ponabdulayte how others - acquaintances, relatives, colleagues - deal with this feeling, as they express it; experiment which one works for you. And of course, you can go to a psychologist and develop the skill with his help and support.

In any case, try to treat yourself like a supportive parent, treat a child who is just learning a new skill. Give yourself time and allow yourself to be wrong, seek and try, but do not impoverish your life by forbidding yourself to experience any feeling or emotion. Good luck on your way))

Your Natalia Fried