2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It so happens that we sometimes scold our children.
Sometimes, because we ourselves find it difficult to cope with our emotions.
Sometimes, because we are so used to it, we were scolded in childhood and now we scold our children.
Sometimes we would like not to scold, but how to do it differently, we do not know.
Today I want to support you by sharing with you my thoughts, knowledge and experience, what consequences can be caused by the fact that a child is scolded. And what can be done differently so that the child is not scolded.
Imagine this situation. The child did something that upset you or maybe even angered you.
For example, a small child of 2-3 years old asked for soap bubbles. And accidentally overturned a bottle of soapy water for bubbles. What are you going to do?
My observations show that some parents begin to reprimand the child that he is such a “stupid”, “muddle-headed”, “his hands are growing out of the wrong place”, etc. And what do you think the consequences of such words of the parents will lead to?
To the fact that the child will treat himself like that now - as a stupid, muddle-headed, etc.
And now he has little success. He's not sure of himself. It is difficult for him to achieve success. A child, when he hears such words, he hears at the same time: “You are bad. I do not love you . And naturally, this will affect his entire future - on his success in kindergarten, school, institute, at work, in his personal life.
When a child hears how he is being scolded, such words do not support him, but, on the contrary, prevent him from successfully developing and learning to overcome difficulties. Prevent him from learning to use his experience.
And what can be done so that you can express your emotions too (after all, it’s unpleasant for you that the soapy solution has spilled out) and not harm the child, but help him and support him? After all, most likely, he is upset no less than you, and maybe even more.
I invite you to tell about your feelings through the I-message. For example, “I am now upset that you accidentally spilled soapy water. Now we won't be able to make soap bubbles. I am so sorry.
To say about the child's supposed feelings: “You must be upset too. You must be very sorry too. You didn't want to spill the soapy water. And in this way we introduce the child to emotions, feelings. And we teach him how to deal with them. Why we need emotions is a topic for a separate conversation, and I will talk about this another time.
It is important to express to your child that you understand that he is upset, that you sympathize with him.
For example: “I can hear you that you are upset. I understand you. I sympathize with you. Console him by saying that you can, for example, buy other soap bubbles.
And then, when emotions and experiences are already expressed by both you and the child, then (if the child is still small and cannot speak) tell yourself that next time it is better for you, for example, to hold the bottle yourself, and the baby will blow bubbles. And by discussing this situation, you show the child a way to use this experience in the future.
If the child is already talking, then ask him: "What do you think, and what can be done so that the soap solution does not spill next time?"
And such questions will help the child find the answer himself and learn to take responsibility for his actions on himself in this way. And take into account your experience for the future.
So, once again, briefly what is important to do.
1. Talk about your feelings about the situation.
2. Talk about the child's perceived feelings in this situation.
3. Express your sympathy to your child. Comfort him.
4. When emotions are expressed, then you can discuss - what can be done next time so that this does not happen again.
Hopefully this recommendation will help someone learn to support a child.
And for those who still find it difficult not to scold the child, I will tell you in the next note what you can do about it.
Good luck with raising your child!
Psychologist, child psychologist Velmozhina Larisa.
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