2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In relationships, resentment very much blocks us and does not allow favorable energy to pulsate at full power.
Of course, when we feel hurt, then we want our partner to satisfy the "hurt requirements". And so we sit, "sulk" at him, and he does not do what we expect. As a result, our resentment doesn't work.
What do you mean "resentment does not work"?
Let's return to the starting point when we realized that we were offended by something. At this moment, we did not expect what our partner would say or do. He could hurt our values; laugh at something important to us; say what is considered unacceptable for us, etc. Regardless of the situation, we are offended because our expectations were not met. Most often, I hear from my clients the following phrase: "I did not expect this from him." Here I will say a few words about expectations - they are rarely met. The more we expect, the more frustrated we become. Our expectations are dictated by fantasy, perception of the world, and who we are. But for another person, this set is different. And it is precisely on the difference in difference that we fall into the trap of expectations.
Now let's return in a grudge …
By resentment, we induce guilt in another. Guilt is a kind of punishment. However, why is there no repentance?
Because it is unpleasant for a partner to be punished for not living up to our expectations. He does not want to be "scolded" for the fact that he should be someone else. And sometimes, he is accused of something that he did not even suspect; for what he should have guessed.
Guess doesn't work. If we want to get something, we need to say about it. And it is difficult for us to constantly speak, tell and ask. At the same time, it is important to remember that this is our need for something, not our partner. The partner can calmly fulfill our request, and does not want to be punished with guilt and "dance the polka" so that we stop sulking. In most cases, partners, understanding the situation, take the first steps, and this greatly helps the relationship.
However, we should also be concerned about removing our barrier of resentment. And here the following question works very cool: "I want to be right or happy."
Your resentment needs hugs and kisses. Agree with her. She slows you down to approach your partner and just hug. At the same time, she really wants tenderness and attention. You should take the first step so that your partner takes ten steps towards you.
Yes, I know how resentment fetters and tells you thousands of arguments why you should not forgive your partner, because “how could he have done that…”. And if you still think about well-being, happiness, harmony and joy in a relationship, then ask your grudge to help you. Tell her how important it is for you to feel valuable and important to your partner together now. Offer her cooperation: you take physical steps, and she psychological. And go for it!
We all strive for harmonious, happy relationships. And for our relationship to be such, it is very important to learn how to negotiate with our own grievances and take the first steps. After all, in the end, relationships win.
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