2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Relationships, with rare exceptions, begin and end. There are many reasons for this. At some point, they are exhausted and the participants no longer receive something important. Or they are built in such a way that one gives more than he receives, gradually depletes and wants to stop it. Perhaps, the values, interests and goals that previously united and allowed to move with a partner in the same direction have changed.
But, even if both feel the need for this step, then, usually, someone first starts talking about parting. And now he is already the initiator, and the second is automatically assigned as abandoned.
It is customary in society to show support for those who are abandoned. They really find themselves in a difficult position. Resentment, misunderstanding, often the inability to clarify for yourself the reasons why the other person decided to end the relationship. Powerlessness, rage.
Many questions remain unanswered: Why? For what? What have I done wrong? Am I that valuable? Maybe it was all a hoax, from start to finish? The "abandoned" one can suffer and be in righteous anger.
What is the “quitter” going through? His feelings remain behind the scenes. It is not customary to talk about them. Therefore, these people are alone, without the ability to be understood and supported.
The "quit" has no right to grieve over the loss. That it is impossible to be in this relationship anymore. About unfulfilled hopes and disappointments. About resentment and your anger at your partner. About doubts about the correctness of the decision and the fear of regret that may come in the future. And it will be impossible to return everything back and replay. Guilt and responsibility for the pain caused by your leaving often haunt you for many years. And you can't share it either. “Well, it’s you who left! So you don't care! And if not all the same, then why did you have to leave?"
The traditional version: “abandoned” is a victim, “abandoned” is a shameless and soulless egoist. But let's not forget that relationships are a joint process, a product created by two. And both are responsible.
The path traversed together will forever remain as a part of life, to which it is impossible to be indifferent, this is not an empty space. Even in the case when they say that "feelings have cooled down", something remains. And everyone here has their own pain and experiences. Everyone suffers in their own way and should have the right to mourn the lost value.
Parting is a complex process. Even if the couple does not find any more meaning to stay together, then the attachment formed during the time spent together remains. It is she who makes the whole process so painful. No matter which side of the barricades you find yourself on, it will not be easy for everyone.
When ending a relationship, it is important to talk about the value of each other and the path traveled together. Express gratitude and regret that this is a thing of the past. Of course, before you can be grateful, you need to go through the stage of anger and disappointment. Speak the accumulated grievances and discontent. Forgive yourself and your partner for mistakes and imperfections. And continue to build new relationships without the ghost of the past.
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