A Cure For Narcissism

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

“In my childhood, it was believed that being sensitive and gentle was not good. These qualities were called weakness. Preference was given to patience, the ability to be the first, strong, tough. The result was above all. To survive, one had to turn off sensuality and become judicious, critical and in control. That is, to close your heart and think with your head.

The rejection of sensuality led to a loss of connection with oneself and the world. The result is an inability to understand oneself, one's desires and an overdevelopment of fantasy, which has taken the place of feelings and sensations. After all, it was indecent to show your vulnerability to other people, so it was safer to create a fantastic image of yourself, a kind of phantom. Sound familiar?

Of course, suppressing the true nature and spending enormous efforts on maintaining the facade is not easy. But you get used to everything. There is no real happiness in such a way of life, but there is “as if happiness” and “life as if”. In the morning you get up, put on a narcissistic carapace and go out into the world to meet other "carapace" people there. And there, under the shell, somewhere in the depths of nature, everyone has an inner child who needs love without conditions and dogmatic restrictions, in total acceptance and respect, desperately in need of someone who will believe in him. Believe, wait, love no matter what!

In people with narcissistic disorders, the need for security, unconditional love and faith in it is several times higher than that of a conventionally healthy person. Inner children are human seeds that, under favorable conditions, should develop into integral adult human beings who know how to love, realize themselves, create, forgive, take care of themselves and others, be aware, create, choose …

But the traumatic experience interrupts the development of the inner child - only the facade with many defenses is being intensively formed. Each such person has a beautiful glossy cover, and behind it is a sea of longing, despair, shame, resentment, disappointment and unwillingness to live. Taught to look at the world and at themselves from a position of rigidity, they become like Medusa the Gorgon, from whose gaze the blood freezes, and you instantly turn into stone. Mirror neurons of people that surround narcissistic personalities react accordingly: psychological defenses are turned on and all feelings go numb, only a feeling of fierce competition and a desire to leave this person as soon as possible remain. And, of course, it is difficult to experience love, tenderness, mercy and any warm feelings for a "armored" person. The circle is closed …

To one degree or another, most of humanity is affected by narcissism. How can people with similar traits learn to be intimate? How to live without a shell, if beneath it there is an incredible fragility in front of the world - from an appraising glance, a critical word or your own fantasy “What if they think …” - crumble into small pieces?

Let's turn to the polarity of narcissism. To a lifestyle where critical thinking is minimal, where you experience happiness and serene joy. This is bliss. The opposite of the narcissistic personality is the blissful person. The blessed one accepts the environment and events as a gift, as alms. He knows how to rejoice at a little - a coin given to him, a bowl of soup, a benevolent word. The blessed one trusts the world, believes in the kindness of another. And if the second is angry, then he perceives this person as wounded and in need of love …

The blessed one is ready to give the last, if you really need it. Next to blissful people, you can be yourself, what you are and not be afraid of condemnation or evaluation. Because they know how to be compassionate. They are very serious and respectful of what you are going through. Next to them, your inner child does not need to hide and be some kind of special.

I grew up in two families: in a narcissistic family with demanding parents who know how to do it, who want gods to grow out of children, and in the family of my aunt and uncle, where creativity, freedom from criticism, mercy reigned. For this they were considered not very smart people. How can you go and do something for free - help build a house or dig a grave out of compassion, cook dinner for a lot of people, because someone hungry can come in and give a picture to an unfamiliar person just because he asked for it?

From my own experience I know that narcissistic disorders are cured by unconditional love, compassion, tenderness. Mental pain subsides in the presence of a merciful person who looks at you without criticism, evaluation and expectation of the result. He just is there and believes in you. (Compassion is different from pity, in pity there is no belief in another that he can, cope).

What if you fall into a narcissistic split - start to devalue, criticize, compare or dislike yourself in other ways? Try to pause this process forcibly. Turn off the relentless critic, ask your inner Gorgon for a break, and rehabilitate yourself.

Warm up your inner child. Most likely, you will find him huddled in the farthest corner of his soul. Look at him without judgment, without conditions, just like a human being. Remember those who looked at you with love in childhood. Look at your child through their eyes. Warm him with the warmth of human feelings, nourish him with unconditional love. Love that is equal, like the burning of a tender fire. She brings grace and joy. Stay in touch with your inner child for as long as you can. Start with five to fifteen minutes.

This practice will allow you to learn to love yourself unconditionally, to love because you are. Each time you will be able to stay in a state of love and self-acceptance for more and more time. Gradually, you will notice that the more you can be relaxed, the more spontaneity and creative inspiration will visit you.

Over time, you will learn to look at other people without being judged with warmth. And one day you will understand that your heart is ready to open to the world, because it is full of love and grace. And again you can dream and believe in a miracle, as four or five-year-old children can do.

And miracles will start happening around you, because magic happens only where people believe in it. "According to your faith, be it unto you" (Matthew 9). By the way, when the heart opens, it hurts a lot. Don't be afraid of pain. Cry, and tears will help you to go through the stage of opening your heart more easily.

To talk to God, you need to give up your narcissism, and to give up your narcissism, you need to enter into authentic (true, genuine) contact with another human being. To speak with God, one must speak with Humanity.