Why Are We Afraid To Get Angry?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Why are we afraid to get angry?

In my practice, I often come across the fact that people do not allow themselves to show the full range of emotions. And for the healthy functioning of the body, they are all needed.

Without fear, anger, sadness, we might simply not survive. They are our helpers in everyday life. If something is wrong with us or in the environment, the body will definitely manifest it.

Heart palpitations, clenched jaws, tension in the body are signs that something is wrong. And there are 2 options for the development of events: fight or flight (literally and figuratively).

And why connection with our body and our senses is so important: thanks to them, we can recognize what is good for us or what is bad for us. We recognize our needs and can satisfy them on our own. From this, the internal resource grows, and therefore the external one. We learn to interact with the world not from the position of "serving", "adjusting" in order to survive. We begin to do this from the position “I want”, “I need it”, we learn to ask and receive what we want.

People have this connection with the body and emotions blocked. As a consequence: depression, lack of energy, chronic psychosomatics, unresolved internal conflicts, bad relationships with people. The most common reason for this is negative past experiences that still block your natural manifestation in this world.

Suppressed natural impulses, punishment for the manifestation of their emotions lead to the fact that, being already adults, a prohibition on this or that action remains inside. Control is carried out by the "higher authority" responsible for the rules and norms, morality - by the inner parent. And as long as he dominates, the reaction is maintained automatically. That is, you continue to act from a child's position. The task is to establish communication between parent-child relationships and take the position of an adult - to act consciously and regulate your emotional state.

So, why are people already in adulthood afraid to show their emotions, anger, in particular? I will single out one generalized reason: it is not safe to show emotions (based on past experience).

Now let's take a closer look at the 2 points that I have highlighted:

Fear of losing control

At first, when a person is just starting to work with anger, fear may appear that a huge amount of emotions lives inside, which, if he allows himself to show outside, this will lead to irreversible consequences (and it’s not surprising how long it’s possible an overfilled ball tends to burst). But this fear is not always real.

If there are really violent automatic reactions, then it is better to manifest them in an environmentally friendly way:

- work them out in the psychotherapist's office: resolve internal conflicts, work out parent-child relationships, as it can be the consequences of shock trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder;

- to learn self-regulation of emotions and states: first, learn to track them, be aware of them, name (!), accept, and then - regulate. There are various techniques and practices for working with anger (breathing, physical activity, changing activities, depending on the situation, speaking out loud, voicing your emotions, counting "1, 2, 3").

Fear of losing contact

There is also the greatest human fear - to lose contact with a loved one, a significant person for us. And here there are really important aspects and nuances of interaction with another person: not to lose yourself, while maintaining contact.

- It is important to conduct a dialogue from borders: to begin with, you need to have them, be aware of them, and build them.

- To understand what exactly you want, how important it is for you, to have internal supports (even if you are not accepted on the other side, you can accept it and not collapse at the same time), how else can you satisfy your need?

- To voice your position to your partner in the form of an "I-message" (I want …, this is important for me), ask (for help, support, your own version)

- Accept with gratitude what you asked for (in case of successful negotiations), or find alternative solutions to this problem.

It so happens that two people fail to come to an agreement and a person is faced with a choice: choose himself, his desires, needs (yes, there can really be a loss of contact, but you act from the position of “preserving yourself”, choose a new model of behavior) or a person surrenders and takes the position of a follower (continues to remain inactive and be under the fulfillment of other people's desires and needs, lives to please others, someone else's life).

Anger only at first can seem like something terrible and destructive. In fact, this is a great opportunity to resolve the conflict, restore and maintain your integrity, and achieve what you want. Be healthy!