2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
As a child, we could sometimes hear:
- How dare you be angry with your mother! Are not you ashamed?
- You can't be angry with your parents!
- I gave birth to you and did so many things, and you still snort!
-I gave birth to you so that you and dad would please me! And you still have some complaints!
As clinical practice shows, children still hear all this. Everything that I have given above is taken from the last parental consultations.
The most interesting thing is that when these parents were young, they heard these bitter words addressed to themselves and gave themselves a vow that when they grow up, they will never, never say this to their children.
But there is still a prohibition against child anger in many families. This is:
- not good!
- not properly!
- only the worst and most ungrateful are angry
- if you get angry, I will stop loving you or I will give it to someone
- no one will ever fall in love with such a scoundrel like you.
The child is left alone with powerful aggressive energy, which he directs towards his destruction. Bad companies, dangerous places, frequent injuries, cigarettes, alcohol. Or vice versa, computer games, life from illness to illness.
Healthy anger (one that is directed towards achieving or learning something new) is necessary for every person. It forms the ability to say "no", to defend one's interests and boundaries, to set goals and achieve them, to defend oneself, and if something happens, one's loved ones.
In a child-parent life together, not only the parents may not be satisfied with something, but also the children themselves.
Why are many adults silent when they feel bad, hurt, difficult, unbearable? They sacredly guard their mother's prohibition - you cannot refuse, you cannot speak openly about your dissatisfaction, express complaints, do something good for yourself.
Why do many adults remain silent and endure violence, in the family, at work, in communication? They sacredly guard mom's prohibition - you can't swing, stomp your feet on mom, give change to the offender, because you need to be correct, you can't scream from pain in your soul, you can't complain to someone (God forbid, help).
Healthy anger, which is given by nature to protect self-esteem and the ability to do something good for oneself, destroys a person year after year, poisons him from the inside.
Such a person freezes, freezes, pretends that he is not in pain, that nothing bad is happening to him. He ceases to feel, and therefore to pass life through himself. The body seems to be paralyzed by muscle clamps and blocks, and the soul is numb.
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