2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The child grows and develops. And what yesterday did not interest him yet, today he wants.
But not always, far from always, a child can be allowed and allowed everything.
Since we live in a society, and this society exists according to certain rules, it is important to teach a child these rules. Tell and show him that in addition to his interests and desires, there are also interests and desires of other people.
That if a child wants to do something, and mom or dad wants to relax or do something else, then it is important to agree on how and in what sequence this can be done.
That if the child wants something, then you can ask about it.
What if a child wants to play with another child's toy, then you can ask the other child if you can play him with a toy. By offering in return some kind of your own.
And that asking is not a guarantee that the other will share it. Maybe he himself wants to play with this toy now, and while he does not want to share it. He has the right, the toy is his.
And the child himself has exactly the same right - to share his toy or not to share, if he himself wants to play with it.
Well, besides this, there are things that are simply harmful to the child. And then it is also important for the child to talk about it.
For example, it is important for a child to go to bed on time so that he gets timely rest and recuperates.
And if the child is protesting and does not want to go to bed, then it is important to tune him into this.
It is better to do this through I-messages.
We can say that you are worried that the child is already tired.
And what do you want the child to feel good about.
And so you invite him to go to bed.
It is important to let the child finish the processes that he started.
For example, he is playing and he is involved in the game.
And if you immediately stop his game and make him go to bed, then he will be excited and will not be able to fall asleep quickly.
It is better to let the child finish the game by agreeing with him how much time you are willing to give him to complete the game.
And when he finishes playing, he will calmly hear your requests to go to bed.
It is also important for a child to receive your feedback on his actions.
If a child hits you, it doesn't matter, in a game or something else, tell him that you are in pain and that you should not hit others. True, it may happen that you have to say this more than once and in more than one situation.
But it's important to talk about it.
Without going over to retaliatory aggression.
Because if the child is hit in response, then he will get the idea that hitting in response is normal. And this will create a vicious circle of retaliatory strikes.
You me - I you, etc. round.
Therefore, in my opinion, the way out of this is only to explain that it is impossible to beat any living creature.
The same applies to all living things - people, animals, insects, even plants.
After all, we are all part of nature, and we are all needed in this world.
It is important to convey to the child that he is important, but not only he is important.
In the family, he is important for others, and at the same time, other family members are also important - mom, dad, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts and uncles.
This means that the desires, needs and interests of the child are important.
But the desires, needs and interests of other family members are also important.
For example, a child wants to go for a walk, and a mother wants to rest. Then it is important for the child to tell about this and agree on how, for example, to take a walk either after the mother has rest or with someone else from close people.
It is very important to broadcast to the child that in addition to his, of course, important desires, needs and interests, there are also desires, needs and interests of other people.
This applies to the child's close social circle.
And so does other people among whom the child is.
These are other children in the kindergarten group and children in any group where the child is.
I want to emphasize the importance of the fact that it is important to plant in a child the idea that we all live in peace among people.
And therefore, it is important to consider yourself and other people.
In addition, I would like to touch upon one more important point.
When we deny something to the child, the child can react to our "mustn't" with violent emotions - cry, scream, etc.
This is a normal, natural reaction of a child that he cannot get what he wants.
And now at this moment it is bad, hard for him.
And he needs support at this moment.
In which?
Do you remember yourself in a situation when you wanted something, counted on something and suddenly you didn’t get it?
Maybe someone canceled an important meeting for you, or you didn't receive the bonus you were counting on, etc.
What do we need in situations like this?
To be heard.
In that they sympathize with us, that they tell us that they understand how bad and sad we are now and we are upset.
Therefore, it is important to support the child in such moments, telling him that you understand him, that you, too, would be upset in his place.
And this acceptance of your child's experiences helps him to live through his emotions of anger and sadness due to the fact that he cannot get what he wants.
And his emotions are transformed into calmness and joy that he is heard and understood.
And thus, by supporting the child, you help him too.
And your relationship with him is filled with warmth and trust.
Many people ask at what age to introduce rules and prohibitions to a child?
In my opinion, as such situations arise.
And most likely, the child will have to say something and explain and support him at the same time more than once.
But, in my opinion, this is the only constructive way to the psychological health of the child and your relationship with him.
Another important point, in my opinion.
The child, as a rule, very well absorbs everything that he sees in the behavior of the people around him. Therefore, the rules that we want to convey to our child must be followed by us.
Then the child will have no doubt that our words are at odds with our deeds.
Therefore, it would be good if these rules were consistent with the rules adopted in our family and in our environment.
And one more important point.
If you have made a decision to follow a certain rule, then it would be good to follow it regularly.
Otherwise, if today we allow what we previously prohibited, then the child has bewilderment and a desire to repeat it next time and make sure whether this is so.
And if this is not predictable every time, then the child feels anxiety.
And this prevents him from developing normally.
That's all for today.
If you still have questions on this topic, I will be glad to answer them.
What questions do you face in raising children?
I really want as many confident and successful children as possible to live in this world.
I really want as many parents and children as possible to have good relations and be emotionally happy.
So that as many and happy adults as possible would be around.
Psychologist, child psychologist Larisa Velmozhina.
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