Why Do We Feel What We Feel. Forbidden And Allowed Feelings

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Life scenario - this is an "unconscious life plan." We start writing it from birth, by the age of 4-5 we define the main points and content, and by the age of 7 our script is already ready. It, like any written script, has a beginning, middle and end. A life scenario is a complex concept that includes our attitude towards ourselves, others and the world, the psychological games we play, the feelings we experience. We will talk about them. About emotions and our emotional script.

How do you understand your emotional scenario?

You need to ask yourself the following questions: What emotions are not available to me? What emotions I never experience or experience very rarely. And what emotions are always on the surface and easily accessible? Emotion diary is an effective way to analyze your emotional scenario.

Emotional scenario - this is the range of emotions that we can feel, it includes forbidden and allowed feelings.

The emotional scenario is formed from childhood, depending on the environment in which the child grows up and on the emotions that are available in the family.

1. In some families, a child it is forbidden to cry … This happens especially often if the child is a boy, but with girls it is quite possible. And then, we see in front of us an adult who is never sad or sad, who unconsciously forbids himself to show this feeling. Perhaps, reinforcing it with the mental attitude that "weaklings are crying."
2. In other families, the child it is forbidden to show anger. This happens especially often if the child is a girl, but with boys it is also a possible option. And then, we see in front of us an adult who is never angry, as if he does not have the right to do so. Most likely it will be a very obedient adult who is afraid to be himself, to talk about his desires and needs, to seek and find his place in the world.
3. There are families in which the child it is forbidden to feel fear, parents can say "you are that little, why are you afraid." And then, we can see an adult in front of us who will supplant the feeling of fear, he or she can seem to himself omnipotent and fearless, while missing reality and objective danger.
4. And families in which joy is forbidden … Where a child is not allowed to be a child, where any manifestations of laughter and fun are criticized. There is no time to have fun in such families, it is a waste of time. And then, before us there will be a very serious adult who does not have access to playfulness, freedom to laugh heartily, and the world for such an adult will be literally bleak.

And then there are families in which they speak the language of shame, guilt and resentment. And this language is becoming so familiar that the language of support, transparent and direct communication, when you can directly state your needs, seems alien.

Echoes or vivid manifestations of an emotional scenario are experienced by everyone, but this scenario can be noticed, revised and rewritten. So that life sparkles with new emotional colors.