2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Dear parents, many of you feel guilty after your child is punished. Truth? Therefore, we can behave guiltily: curry favor and forgive the child for subsequent violations of prohibitions.
This is not entirely good. But what is to be done?
So that you do not suffer, I will tell you how we, psychologists, recommend punishing children. So that no one gets hurt. Neither children nor your conscience:)
Go.
In general, normally, the worst punishment for a child is the fact that the parent is upset. Here you need not to overact - but honestly admit that his act upset you and why.
Tell your child how you feel and what does it mean for you? For example: “I washed the floor, and you stomped it again with dirty shoes. When you do this, I am upset because I feel sorry for my efforts. In addition, at such moments it seems to me that you do not appreciate me and my work, and this makes it even more offensive. Just do not blame, but tell us what you feel and think.
Sometimes there is no need to say - most often children subtly feel the change in the mood of their parents and if their mother is sad, they themselves curry favor and flatter in order to cheer her up. This is where you can tell why you are upset.
But try not to be a victim or create guilt. Just talk about your feelings - let the child draw his own conclusions.
This is the ideal.
But life is often far from him.
Therefore, if your relationship has long been conflicted, and have gone so far that the upset feelings of the parent do not touch the child, you need to apply punishment.
The following types of execution are considered permissible - temporary deprivation of the right to watch cartoons or play computer games.
Explain well to the child that he is guilty and you want to punish him. Because you are angry and afraid that if you do nothing, he will continue like this. And you think that if he is punished, it will teach him to think before doing. And the lesson will be well remembered.
IN NO EVENT SHOULD CHILDREN BE PUNISHED.:
1. Lack of communication: Ignore, do not let to yourself and other family members, or in the yard.
2. Cannot be locked in the room.
3. Don't hit your child.
4. And punish with food deprivation.
5. You can't scare that now a babayka or someone like a policeman will come to him and punish him.
An important nuance!
Dear parents, it is forbidden to shame a child in public during the sentencing.
There is no benefit from it - only harm.
In general, you will be surprised, but I know children who were almost never punished - and they grew up decent teenagers:)
It's another matter if you are scared and anxious about the baby's future - but this is more of a reason not to punish, but to consult a specialist.
This is the third article in the series “The Golden Rules of Parenting”. The first part was about Prohibitions, the second about Cooperation.
As a psychologist, I do not work directly with children - but I help them through their parents.
Experience shows that this is much more effective.
Our children are a “symptom” of the family. What they are and how they behave is the result of interaction within the family.
And you can work with it. Everything is fixable.
And next time I will talk about the spicy topic of assault.
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