2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Every time we are around the events of our life, following written or invented rules, worrying about ways of being and actions that are not useful. I think this happened to everyone. This is called an emotional hook - we behave like inflatable toys, repeatedly hitting the same walls, not thinking that there might be open doors to the right or left.
Emotional dexterity is not a process of ignoring complex thoughts and feelings, but the process of releasing emotions and thoughts, treating them carefully and attentively, as well as passing them by (but recognizing them) further towards your big goals.
The acquisition of emotional agility occurs in four stages.
Highlighting
In the context of emotional flexibility, emphasis means going deeper into your thoughts, feelings, behavior with interest and acceptance. Some of these thoughts and feelings are important and appropriate for the moment. Others are fragments of the old, ingrained into the psyche, like an annoying song that it takes a long time to get out of my head.
Going beyond the boundaries
The next stage after comprehending thoughts and emotions is to move away from them and observe them as such - just thoughts, just emotions. In this way, we create an open and unbiased space between feelings and reactions to them. We can also procedurally define complex feelings and find the most characteristic reactions to them. Observation from the outside does not allow the passing mental experience to control us.
We go beyond the boundaries of the object, and a wider view makes it possible to see ourselves as a chessboard with more possibilities, and not as a lonely piece on the board with certain rules of movement in advance.
Realizing your own motives
You have dispersed and calmed the mental processes, created the necessary space between feeling and feeling, and now you can focus on the essence - core values and great goals. Recognizing, accepting, and distancing ourselves from scary, painful, disruptive emotional material enables us to engage in part with our foresight, which fosters the integration of feelings and thoughts with long-term values and aspirations, and can help us find new and better ways to achieve our goals.
You make thousands of decisions every day. Is it better to go to the gym after work or just relax? Accept a call from a girl with whom you had a fight, or transfer it to voicemail? These small decisions are called pick points. Your core values are a compass that helps you move in the right direction.
Forward movement
Traditional self-help treats change as an ultimate goal and profound transformation, but research leads us to the opposite: small, value-based practices can make a big difference in your life. This primarily applies to the daily routine, when the daily repetition of small implementations makes it possible to make powerful changes.
The movements of a world-class gymnast seem relaxed thanks to the flexibility and fitness of the muscles of the trunk - his core. If something knocks him out of balance, the rod helps to fix it. But in order to raise his level, he needs to step out of his comfort zone in order to master more complex movements. We, too, need to find a balance between challenge and competence.
To be continued…
The article appeared thanks to the book "Emotional Agility" by Susan David.
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