2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Crying a child is about what is important to him.
I have long wanted to write my reflections on such fairly common situations in raising children.
Often I observe such a situation that a small child, who still cannot speak, is crying about something. And an adult who is nearby (mom, dad, grandfather, grandmother) say to the child: “Why are you crying? Do not Cry . Those. it turns out that the task of an adult who hears crying is to prohibit the child from crying.
And for me, the fact that a child is crying is his way of saying that something is wrong for him. He cannot speak yet. And he can only show through crying that he needs something.
And when I hear from an adult “Don't cry”, then I hear in this “You cannot be told that you may need something”.
I admit that an adult says so, putting into it, most likely, a different meaning.
But if a child hears this from time to time, on a regular basis, then most likely, he will have an unconscious understanding that it is impossible to ask for something for himself, the adult does not like it.
And it is important for a child to feel the love and acceptance of an adult, because his survival depends on it. And then, in order to maintain the love of an adult, the child will learn not to notice his needs and not cry about them.
And this is fraught with very unpleasant consequences.
The child ceases to hear his needs. He forgets how to notice what he wants.
And later, in a more adult life, such a grown child will always be guided not by his desires, needs and interests. And on the desires, needs and interests of other people. Friend, loved one, boss, relatives, etc. Yes, for others he will be such a very comfortable person. He is always ready to meet the other and give in.
The only trouble is that he does not receive joy from life. Somehow everything does not make him happy. He can often be annoyed. Or periodically he has outbursts of rage - because of some small reason, he breaks off into a strong cry, he can shout at the closest people. And he himself is shocked by such a reaction. And the reason is that his needs, desires and interests are not noticed by him and are not satisfied. And then only through screaming there is a kind of release of his chronic dissatisfaction.
Therefore, it is so important to be attentive and as sensitive as possible to what the baby is crying about.
Psychologist, child psychologist Velmozhina Larisa
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