Is It Possible To Raise A Child Without Punishing Him?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Very often we, parents, are annoyed with our child because he does not obey us, that he does what we do not allow him, refuses to comply with our requirements. And in such an irritated state, we feel powerless and helpless. And the first thing that comes to our mind, how can we solve these situations, is to punish the child.

We hope that, having learned the lesson from punishment, the child will understand that it is impossible to do this and will not do this anymore. For us, punishing a child is the easiest way to get out of a situation of disobedience or the whims of a child. It would seem that our goal is good - to teach the child not to do this anymore.

But what do we get in reality? What effect does punishment have on a child? Yes, on the one hand, a child can be very scared of severe and sometimes harsh punishment. Indeed, for a child, it can be tough what an adult may not consider as such. The child is very dependent on the parents. From whether they love him, whether they support him, whether they accept him. This is psychologically. But the child is even more dependent on the physical plane - to be fed, dressed, shod. Both are important for the child's banal survival.

And if the parent, punishing the child, demonstrates his emotional distancing to him, then the child perceives this as a manifestation of dislike for him. If a parent, punishing a child, shows condemnation of the child himself, and not his act, rejection of the child, then the child's self-esteem decreases. And if such punishments happen regularly enough, then the child is unlikely to learn to be successful.

Experiencing a state of punishment, the child treats himself very badly, he thinks of himself as bad, which mom and dad do not like. And being consolidated, such a perception of oneself does not contribute to the formation of the child's desire and ability to overcome difficulties and achieve what he wants. This teaches him, rather, to submit to force, to humble himself.

Or, if the personality of the child is strong enough, then he will with all his might resist obeying his parents. Those. he will express his disagreement with this attitude through bad behavior outside the home. He can behave very aggressively in the children's team, offend others. And he will do it where there is no such harsh suppression of him.

Let's consider the reasons why he may not listen to us, not fulfill our requirements. Very often the child does not hear our requests, because we very often do not hear him. We are busy solving our problems and tasks. And very often the child turns to us, and we, busy with our own affairs, cannot even pay attention to him and talk to him about what worries him. This is the first thing.

Second. And actually why should he fulfill our requirements? Do we ourselves like to fulfill someone's requirements? It will be more pleasant for us to fulfill the request. And a request differs from a demand not only in intonation, but also in the ability to fulfill it or refuse to fulfill it. And if the child refuses to fulfill your request right now, then you can agree with him about its implementation a little later.

And there is one more important point in the question - how to educate without punishment. In what state are we easily annoyed? As a rule, in a state of concern, tension, discontent. And in what state are we ready to cooperate with the child, are we more friendly and loyal to him? In a state of contentment with life, in a state of joy in life. Is it possible to do something to make this state more typical for you? As my experience shows - you can!

And the ability to notice your state, your emotions and experiences helps in this. After all, every day we are faced with the solution of many and sometimes difficult tasks. And in this regard, we can experience different emotions - anxiety, irritation, discontent, anger, anger, guilt, shame, and others. And our emotions are a natural reaction to some circumstances and events in our life.

Therefore, the best way to help yourself is to notice your condition and name those emotions and feelings that you are experiencing. This will help reduce your stress levels. And it will help you feel calmer.

It can be both emotions and feelings associated with a relationship with a child. We can get irritated at some of the child's actions, get angry, anxious and other experiences.

For example, in a situation where you are in a hurry to get somewhere, you may be anxious to arrive on time and not be late. And you can tell the child, “I'm worried right now that we might be late. Please, let's get together as quickly as possible. I will help you with this."

And in this situation, firstly, the child hears about your concern. And he can hear you and go to meet you. Secondly, by talking about your concern, you feel a little calmer. And you can already more patiently help the child to get ready.

The truth is, noticing your emotions and distinguishing them is sometimes very difficult. Contact me, I will be glad to be useful to you! And help you learn to notice and express your emotions and feelings. So that your relationship with loved ones pleases you and bring you satisfaction!

Psychologist, child psychologist Velmozhina Larisa