2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
About the balance of criticism and praise.
Once, while walking with my niece on the playground, I saw this situation. A woman with three children came to the site. The smallest was about a year old and hadn't walked yet. The girl was five years old and the boy was seven years old.
This company attracted my attention by the fact that even from afar, even on the approach to the site, I could hear the woman incessantly shouting at the older children.
When the older children began to play on the playground, this constant shouting continued: "Don't go there!", "Where did you go!" etc. I haven’t heard one word of approval or support addressed to them. Kind and affectionate "hooling" went only to the youngest child. I felt sorry for the older children. Although I understood that it is probably not easy for a woman either. But children, nevertheless, are more defenseless in front of an adult.
I went up to the woman. And she said to her: "I really sympathize with your children … They hear only shouts from you …" To which the woman, embarrassed, replied: "But what to do - they do not obey at all!" To which I said: “Yes, it's not easy for you with three children. But they would hear you faster if you praised them for something. " And for the entire time that this company was on the site, I did not hear more of her cries to the children. I'm not sure that I did the right thing … Perhaps it would be important to find words of support for her … Well, as it happened, it happened. At that time, I could only sympathize with children.
It is likely that a woman with three children is really very difficult. And it is possible that she treats herself in the same way - she often criticizes and is dissatisfied with herself. Therefore, there is no habit of noticing good things in children either. And at the same time, she would be much calmer if she focused more on praise and approval of herself and her children. And this is my support for this mother and other mothers too.
Where does it come from that children will hear and listen to their mother if they hear discontent in their address and do not hear praise, support, acceptance? After such constant shouting, children have only one desire - to take revenge in any possible way. And for them the most accessible way is to show disobedience.
Now, if you constantly hear discontent addressed to you, what would you want to do?.. I think that many will agree with me that this does not dispose to communication. But rather, on the contrary - there is a desire to move away and play something also unpleasant in response. So it is with children.
Praise and approval are important to children. My respected psychologist Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter said that it is important to give praise 4 times more than a critic. And I agree with her. The child will hear you much faster if he hears more praise and approval from you than criticism and discontent.
It's important to start with yourself. First, notice how often you praise or approve of yourself. And if instead you criticize and scold yourself, then stop yourself. And the more often you notice this, the more often you will be able to say words of praise and approval instead of criticism and discontent in your address. And then it will be easier for you to praise and approve the child.
Find something in your child that you can praise for. For example, tell him more often: "I am so glad that you are already doing it!" "You're so beautiful!" "You are so resourceful and quick-witted!" "You are so inquisitive!" etc.
Give your child unconditional love. And talk about your love: “I love you! How glad I am to have you. It will even better convey your love and acceptance if you hug your child. And your communication with your child will be much calmer and more joyful.
And if you find it difficult to find something to praise yourself and your child for, then contact us, we will definitely find it together!
Psychologist, child psychologist Velmozhina Larisa
Recommended:
How To Stop Criticizing Yourself And Start Supporting Yourself? And Why Can't The Therapist Tell You How Quickly He Can Help You?
The habit of self-criticism is one of the most destructive habits for a person's well-being. For internal well-being, first of all. On the outside, a person can look good and even successful. And inside - to feel like a nonentity that cannot cope with its life.
Psychologist Svetlana Royz: Parents Need To Remember And Keep Within Themselves The Feeling That Not A Child Is For School, But School Is For A Child
The world is changing, and parents from all sides are encouraged to teach their young children not only, conventionally, read and count, but also creativity, critical thinking … At the same time, modern parents themselves increasingly feel exhaustion and experience stress from lack of time.
When Shame Tastes Like Parenting: The Tragedy Of Parenting Daughters
Author: Bettany Webster Source: 9journal.com.ua The flow between the little girl and her mother must be one-way, constantly channeling support from mother to daughter. It goes without saying that girls are completely dependent on the physical, mental and emotional support of their mothers.
Death Of A Child. How To Be A Family After Losing A Child
Death of a child. The death of a child is a loss that leaves nothing alive in you. Life is a process of struggle for existence. Your own, your loved ones, your friends, your business, your ideas, your illusions, your hopes, your homeland, etc.
Dealing With Depreciating And Criticizing Clients
Despite the fact that criticism and devaluation may be based on the same reasons, at the end they take on a variety of forms, depending on the structure of the psyche, the client's life situation and a number of other reasons. In this case, I list them in random order, allowing for a variety of terminology, as well as the fact that some mechanisms may cause others.
