About Masha, Pasha And Fear

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

If a child wants something, he will try to get it: demand, ask, deserve. He can come to terms with the fact that this will not get what he wants, finally forget about his desire. But in the last place, he will think about the fact that maybe he does not need it. This thought comes only if you look at your desire and situation from a different point of view. This ability develops with age, sometimes slowly and difficult.

So an adult already comes to a psychologist to help him get attention, understanding, care, work, money … add to the list. It is necessary that the Other understands, hears, and does the right thing. He is ready to make an effort, it's just that the world is not correct enough, and we must try to fix it.

This is understandable. Everyone has their own picture of the world, which is based on some beliefs. For example, if we are talking about a family, then a child should not grow up without a father, in order for him to be successful, there must be good grades in school, the wife must cook, the husband must earn, etc. The belief system constitutes a person's worldview, which serves as the basis of his behavior … Faced with opposition to his desires, he looks for ways to overcome it. The question may be, is it necessary to change the world? A person does not always understand his prospects and true needs, which may not be his at all, but imposed by parents or society.

Pasha and Masha got married, gave birth to a child and swore all the time. Pasha turned out to be a tyrant and egoist, put pressure on Masha psychologically, did not help with the housework, did not work with the child, and in general, he did not like Masha and sometimes even raised his hand against her when he drank, which did not happen so rarely.

Masha really wanted to prove to Pasha that he was wrong. The divorce was not discussed, because Masha loved Pasha, and the child should have a father. Pasha was not going to see a psychologist, and in general, everything is fine with him. This is Masha's problem. Conversations with Masha about self-respect and responsibility for their lives were practically useless, because they usually ended in agreement and a question, what to do with Pasha? The point is simple: yes, I understand everything, but how to get the candy?

Masha was not ready to look from the outside at herself, at Pasha and at the situation. She was afraid of losing the usual support of her beliefs, which would have to be changed. And the matter was no longer even in Pasha, but in the fear of loneliness and rejection, which she would face if she began to understand. She is good, she is ready to become even better, just don't need this adult look and decisions.

Inside, a little girl trembled, frightened by all sorts of incomprehensible horror stories. Let everything be as before, only better. But Pasha was changing for the worse, and Masha, all hoped, looking for excuses for him, which he did not even know.

When a tooth pulsates with pain, the whole turns into a bare nerve. But visualization of the dental chair alone removes some of the pain, and it seems that you can still wait. Masha endured. But it all ends someday, and so does patience. Squeezed like a lemon, emotionally devastated, Masha still allowed herself a simple question - "Do I need it?"

Others followed him with a steam locomotive. And this was already the path to a solution. It quickly became clear that everything was not easy. In the wrapped candy machine, there was a desire to possess Pasha, despite fear and even hatred. She needed not just physical intimacy, but flank love. He had to love her, and she is willing to do much to get it. She could not refuse Pasha, because quarrels, screams and even his beatings gave her strong emotions, without which life seemed insipid. Most of all she was afraid of indifference. Horror, horror! This is what she is used to, how an adrenolino addict gets used to extreme, like an alcoholic to alcohol, and a drug addict to drugs. In her mind, Masha understood the absurdity of her affection, but some part of her desperately needed these emotions. Even the initial fears receded in the face of this dilemma.

As a child learns to walk, so Masha gradually learned to satisfy her emotional hunger with simple everyday joys. It turned out that they can also give strong emotions, you just need to learn to notice something that I had not noticed before, because day and night I thought about Pasha. It was very difficult to accept the obvious fact that Pasha is not interested in Masha as a person, moreover, she interferes with him in this capacity, and there can be no question of love.

The more questions Masha asked herself, the more the psychopath Pasha, with his strange mother, moved away from her. Fear, which seemed insurmountable, suddenly shrank to the size of a small gray lump, and the world around him expanded, filled with colors, the child cheered up, because fear for his mother fell from his shoulders, and the men passing by for some reason slowed down and, unusually for Masha, turn off neck.

For complete happiness, she will still have to overcome her tendency to addicted relationships so as not to get caught up in another Pasha, but she already has experience in overcoming children's horror stories and some self-respect, which will certainly serve as a resource for her. There are no limits to perfection, there would be a desire.

We would all live happily and carefree if our desires were not limited by fears, which, like anchors, are not allowed to sail on the sea of pleasures with calls at the ports of dreams. On the one hand, desire, on the other, fear. Dualism, however. Fears are also necessary, because they include the instinct of self-preservation, and not only physical, but also social, which is no less important in our time, and always. In some African tribes, expulsion is considered the worst punishment, and in our country no one wants to be left on the social margins.

If you dig deep enough, then behind almost every dysfunctional relationship there is this fear of rejection, imperceptible at first glance, arising from insufficient tactile contacts and love at a tender age, imperceptibly growing in the family with the child.

No matter how cynical it sounds, if not for Pasha, Masha would have remained in the childish position of a supplicant for a long time, perhaps, it would have been difficult for her to realize herself, and her child would have received a similar scenario. So Masha should be grateful to Pasha for her personal growth and the opportunity to sincerely enjoy life. This is how poison turns into medicine if the dose is correct.

It could happen that a patient good Masha would have a compassionate girlfriend, for whom the most important thing is "like people" or an experienced gentleman who would try to give her the desired candy, leaving her in a child's position, developing tolerance to pain, teaching adaptation to neurosis instead of extracting inner conflict from fear and desire. And Masha would cut the tail piece by piece, trying to fix Pasha, using persuasion, requests, manipulations. This did not happen, which pleases.

But at what cost? Why not immediately do what is best? Everything has its own time, which can be hurried, but carefully, because Masha had to "mature" to be ready to look at herself and Pasha honestly, without rose-colored glasses. Actually, this is growing up. At the moment when this happened, Masha stopped seeking the notorious candy by any means, sacrificing her dignity and health.

In the meantime, there was no such readiness, it was only possible to pat Masha on the head, understanding and accepting her sorrows, offering her a relationship of trust. Because Masha did not see normal human relations, if only from a distance, and, even more so, did not participate. She needed acceptance like air to warm up a little from the cold-scalding flank of "love."

All the time you have to make a choice, big or small, important and not so much. Behind him is always the unknown, which scares. Fear has large eyes, but, usually, gaining experience of overcoming it, you understand that it is not so scary. The more we run away from ourselves, the more difficult it is to take a step out of the vicious circle. Once you have to make decisions that affect fate, if you do not want to be ruled by fear.