When Parents Fight

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I sometimes yell at my child. What is my child shouting to me at this moment?

What do you do when it starts raining? There are a lot of options. Perhaps you are trying to hide under an umbrella or a roof, perhaps, without finding shelter, you wander wet and mutter under your breath about total bad luck, or you take off your shoes and, frolicking, rush to dance and run through the puddles. In any case, you adjust and adapt to the circumstances and environment familiar to you.

Now imagine that you have lived your whole life in an arid area, where there is practically no precipitation, maximum, a little rain, and suddenly you find yourself under a tropical downpour! With thunder and lightning! In a word, complete doomsday! Imagine your shock, fear, bewilderment and despair! The only thing that will surely come to your mind is to hide and shiver somewhere under a palm leaf.

And now imagine in its place a small child, for whom the quarrel of the parents is this very end of the world. Your screams and passes with your hands are the same raging element, from which one cannot hide or hide, which he, a little man without life experience, is simply unable to influence … He is overwhelmed by fear, bewilderment and despair … And he hides under a palm leaf, under table or under the bed, falls into a stupor and trembles … Or, on the contrary, tries to intervene and defuse the situation, to be "good" and "right", jumps like a shaman with a tambourine around you and tries to stop the downpour of abuse and mutual insults.

Should we wait for the consequences? Oh yeah! In addition to the fear caused by the loud and angry voices of loved ones, the baby feels like the cause of a quarrel, he is convinced that no one needs him, and no one loves him. If conflicts happen often, or it is completely protracted, possibly leading to a break in relations, the little man begins to fear for his family, worry about his parents, and he has no choice but to make amends for his "guilt", try to fix everything, win your disposition and woo your love. Constant stress and desperate attempts to be always a "good" boy or girl can lead to neurosis or even illness.

Our body reacts to conflict experiences, as a result of which pathological disorders occur in the organs. And the corresponding predisposition to certain diseases can determine the choice of organ. To put it simply: where it is thin, there it breaks. Such diseases caused by worries, fears and prolonged stress are called psychosomatic. Most often, these are: bronchial asthma, ulcerative colitis, essential hypertension, neurodermatitis, rheumatoid arthritis and duodenal ulcer (a lot of scary words).

It is unlikely that at least one adequately thinking parent will consciously doom a child to illness and suffering … But our problem is that we do not realize. We just follow the lead of emotions, thunder as much as we have urine, we blow each other with icy winds and incinerate with lightning …