Endless "fight With Mom"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

One of the specific (and often encountered) types of "picking out" the trauma is to fight with the Mother (or Parent) figure, i.e. not with the real parent, but with their own poorly realized projections. Most often it happens in this form: the traumatic person places Mom "in" the therapist and begins to "fight" with pleasure with the therapist, trying to infuriate him, demonstrate his own superiority, make the therapist feel and admit his powerlessness to do anything with such brilliant stubborn customer. The truth is that it is very easy to "defeat" a person who helps you once or twice a week for your own money. It is enough just not to come to the session.

In addition, a traumatized and experiencing affect in relation to the Mother's figure, the client is much more likely to "kill" about a well-developed and conscious therapist than that therapist will be brought to some stage of "defeat", therefore trained therapists are often forced to refuse in a mild form. from working with such a client, so as not to injure him even more (by giving, for example, that harsh answer that a real parent with whom the child "fought" could give or even gave in childhood). In this case, the client may have the illusion of "victory" and / or position " no one can help me, this one / this one could not / could not. "So a very sad and counter-productive vicious circle can arise, the essence of which will be in a constant cycle of" digging out "children's grievances, raising rage, dropping rage on the Mom's Projection, receiving" from her "(but in fact from a person who has nothing to do with it) either kicks back, or a break in relations with the resulting feeling of either" victory "or another" loss. "And so on until the next time, until a new resource will not accumulate, which will immediately be used for the same.

Note that in a situation with therapy (both professional and independent, because in this case the "therapist" is just an internal helping figure) it would be extremely reasonable to ask the question, why do I need a "defeated" and "exhausted" therapist (reminding myself that a therapist is a person I found so that he could help me for money / whom I "created" inside myself and endowed with a resource).

Moreover, if in a relationship with a professional therapist all this is quite easy to solve, then in relations with others it is no longer so simple. If Mom "fits" into someone who is not so advanced and ready for such turns of fate, for example, a friend, partner, boss / subordinate, just a passer-by, etc. - then the reaction can be unpredictable and dangerous for all participants.