2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-12 20:57
Author: Arkhangelskaya Nadezhda Vyacheslavovna
Folk wisdom says: "They don't go to someone else's monastery with their own charter." What is it about? About monasteries? I think the main problem has to do with protecting the boundaries of both the individual and the family. Each monastery has its own charter … Each family has its own order.
However, these boundaries are often violated by annoying relatives who consider themselves to be almost the "highest authority" in all matters of upbringing, behavior, even regulation of needs and existence in separate, separated families.
This concerns the relationship between:
The first problem that destroys family ties:
I know better than you
This is the most frequent and difficult to correct conflict-generating point in relations between relatives. This alarming attitude destroys an already fragile kinship relationship. For example, a mom, aunt, sister or grandmother invading an isolated family without permission and without awareness lack of relevance in this family, they start a campaign called "How to raise children correctly" (well, this is a classic of the genre!), "I will develop your" business plan "for you (not the fact that it already takes place and brings income), and in general," I KNOW WHAT IS BETTER FOR YOU! "!
Such an exaggerated sense of self-importance seems not only unnecessary, superfluous, but also indicative-devaluing your own ideas and views.
Of course, professionally, these people are never psychologists either in their specialty or in life, trying to understand the intricacies of their relative's profession, being vulgarly clever and making futile attempts to prove their superiority from their own underrealization and fear of seeing their own inferiority.
Second problem
Merge and sincere motivation
This destruct is focused on the desire of a person (mother, sister, aunt) to see your continuation in you. "I am you, you are me." And then follows a completely sincere and, at first glance, completely environmentally friendly manipulation of your consciousness. You somehow miraculously become a "part" or "subpersonality" of an annoying relative who "knows" you and in these moments of stunning "witchcraft" reveals his personality from an unsightly side. Illusions and distortions completely break family relationships. "You yourself talked about it!" (Although it really wasn't), "You've always loved the floral scent" (Oh, Gods! I was talking about a perfume composition with accords of tuberose).
The third problem
I will suppress the personality in you, because I sincerely hate and envy you
Certainly, the evidence of conflict and hidden grievances. "You get everything easily!", "You make yourself so cool!" Therefore, radical behavior is a provocation of open conflict, clashes and a desire to humiliate, offend, slander, even appropriate what does not belong to itself.
Such a deep resentment towards a relative is explained by a number of circumstances:
Such behaviors are used for obsessive self-affirmation because of a painful susceptibility to someone else's success and family harmony, because of their own psychotraumas and avoidance of correction and categorical avoidance of working on oneself. It is important to resist outside pressure, because precisely because this is your relative, we cannot resist, allowing us to invade our family affairs and intrapersonal problems.
The fear of offending is even stronger than the desire to protect yourself and your personal space.
But the search for the necessary resources for resistance and protection in oneself is far from painless process, forming an unbiased vision of the problem and a picture of conflicts in family relations.
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