19 WAYS TO PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST TOXIC PEOPLE IN THE ENVIRONMENT

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In some beautiful universe, there is probably a world where all people are nice and sincere, no one seeks to assert themselves at the expense of others, and it is categorically not accepted to spoil the nerves of others.

It is a pity that our world cannot boast of such an idyll, and each of us in one way or another is forced to deal with toxic people.

TOXIC PEOPLE

A boss who takes out her neuroses on you, a mother-in-law who considers you a free (and disenfranchised) attachment to her son, colleagues who measure professional achievements with you, girlfriends who constantly violate boundaries, etc., etc.

Communication with such people unsettles, takes away strength and energy, and launches meaningless self-reflection in you. And even if you seem to cope with your emotions (we are all adults), the influence of such people still erodes you from the inside, destroying your self-esteem and health.

Again, in an ideal world, it would be possible to simply remove such people from our environment, but we live in a real world, and often these people are family members, or members of a work collective, and you have to interact with them in one way or another.

But the fact that you cannot completely get rid of communication with them does not mean that you do not need to protect yourself from them.

Still how it should be! Take on arms:

CLEAR ALL ALERTS

Remove call and message notifications from such people on your phone and browser apps. So you will not be unsettled by the blinking of the screen with a hysterical message, the only purpose of which is to piss you off.

If we are not talking about official communication, when you have to be in touch, put toxic people in mute mode, you do not have to ruin your day with meaningless and aggressive contacts.

DO NOT WAIT FOR THEM TO CHANGE

Do not wait for you to do something, and toxic people will change their attitude towards you or change their habits in communication with others. People change very, very rarely, and there must be very serious reasons for major changes.

Most toxic, hysterical, and selfish people stay that way for the rest of their days, and you can't do anything about it. A friend who borrows money and forgets to give it back will always enjoy your trust - no need to wait for her to suddenly stop manipulating you and begin to behave responsibly.

Do not want to worry about the fact that the money is not returned, but it is inconvenient to remind you because you are friends, etc. - do not give money from the very beginning, if at least once such a situation has already happened.

Breathe Deeper

Toxic people most often know your pain points very well, and they know how to very quickly (in one phrase) unbalance you, so that later it would be easier to manipulate you. There is only one way to emerge victorious in the fight against them: if you manage to keep your head cold.

If you feel that you are overwhelmed by emotions, and that you are losing control over the situation and the development of dialogue, do not rush into battle with a saber at the ready - stop and take a deep breath. Once again.

You can continue the conversation only when you feel that your self-control, your sober mind and self-defense are with you again, otherwise you simply allow yourself to be drawn into someone else's game.

MAKE A … STONE

This method works great with narcissists and those who are ready to talk to you about themselves for hours, taking away your energy and time. If social status and decency do not allow you to rudely interrupt the interlocutor, then simply turn into an object of inanimate nature.

Do not maintain eye contact, do not react emotionally where the interlocutor expects it, look away, yawn. Become the most boring, dull, and uninterested version of yourself.

PUT TIME FRAMES

If we are talking about a visit (for example, to a toxic relative), then warn in advance that after 45 minutes you need to run away. You would be happy to stay longer, so that she has time to tell you in detail how and what you are a failure in, but - business, business!..

If you know that a person affects you negatively, but you cannot avoid contact with him, then clearly set a time frame. So it will be easier for you (it is clear how long you need to hold out), and decency will be observed.

DO NOT MIRROR

When our interlocutor raises his voice, we often raise it too, even if we do not want to get involved in a loud showdown (this is called "mirroring the interlocutor").

But in fact, with the help of this mechanism, the manipulator simply throws you off balance, so that it would be easier for him to achieve his goal - if you refuse to get involved in his game, then his whole strategy goes down the drain.

Try not to raise your voice in response to an op and stay as calm as possible, this is the best defense against any tantrum.

DO NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANOTHER LIFE

One of the main properties of toxic characters is to shift responsibility for their choices and their actions onto other people. For example, on you.

A friend asked for advice, got it, made a decision, it was unsuccessful, but who is to blame? You, of course. And now you have to pay for it, long and expensive.

This is the oldest manipulation in the world, do not fall for it - if you feel guilty towards another person, then figure out who is really to blame for his situation. In 99% of cases it will be him himself, so stop any attempts to drag you into someone else's melodrama in the bud.

LOOK FOR SOLUTIONS, DO NOT WORRY

The more you focus on your emotions, the more successful the toxic person is at destroying you. Stop wasting time on worries and focus on solutions: instead of whining, "Why doesn't my mother-in-law love me ?!", try to figure out the easiest way to organize family communication so as to minimize conflicts.

If a friend once again makes your mind out of your mind with complaints about her relationship, taking away your energy and time, give her the phone number of a psychologist. If a colleague constantly goes into conflict and climbs into your territory to find out which of you is more important and more important for the company, talk to your boss about a clear division of responsibilities between you.

Finding solutions is always more constructive than worrying - don't forget this.

SOMETIMES JUST AGREE

If your mother is once again giving you a lecture on what your child should or should not do, and what exactly you should immediately change in his menu, regime and upbringing, then have a magic phrase ready. For example: "Yes, thanks, maybe you're right, I'll think about it."

You don't have to go into conflict and defend your right to raise your children as you see fit - no one will take this right away from you, but your interlocutor is quite capable of taking away your time with a meaningless argument and burning several kilometers of nerve endings for you.

Sometimes it's easier to agree and continue to act in your own way than to start a long argument in which you still won't win (see above - people don't change).

REWARD YOURSELF

Each time after constructive communication with such a character, reward yourself with something pleasant - it is imperative to reimburse the spent psychic energy with pleasant emotions! Toxic people take away strength, do not forget to restore them.

DO NOT OPEN

In a normal, healthy relationship, it’s natural to open up to the other person and talk about your failures or fears. In a toxic relationship, whatever you talk about will at some point be used against you - either to hit you harder or to make you feel awkward or guilty.

If the person with whom you communicate, at least once showed himself from the toxic side, with you or with someone else, then it is better to keep the boundaries closed and not reveal his whole soul to such a person.

TREAT

After a toxic dialogue, be sure to call someone who recharges you with energy - sometimes it's easier to get rid of an unpleasant aftertaste simply by telling someone normal about the situation who will help you make sure that you are right without succumbing to manipulation.

Pause

Don't just rush to answer annoying messages or demanding emails, or feel guilty about not leaving an important meeting or meeting just to answer calls from such a person.

Sometimes a pause to respond is the best antidote, and while you go about your business, your energy vampire will find a way to deal with his neurosis without your participation.

Just remember that you are not obliged to adjust your life to the desires and whims of such a person, no matter how important he is, and you are not obliged to be to his services 24/7 either.

LISTEN TO SILENCE

It's easy to get caught up in someone else's drama just by being involved or even courteous - when an emotional tornado hits you, it's hard to stay out of the way.

But there is a difference between participation, courtesy and friendly support, and what the victim of manipulation does. The latter is drawn into other people's problems simply because she did not have time to stop the tornado that struck her, and ends up raking up other people's problems instead of taking care of her life.

If you know the property behind your interlocutor to involve other people in solving your problems, then do not let his emotions overwhelm you. Listen silently, and eventually come up with solutions that seem constructive to you. If they do not suit the interlocutor, then this is his problem, but do not let him continue to use you as a trash heap for his emotions.

LEARN THE ART OF NEUTRAL RESPONSE

The manipulator creates conditions in which he forces you in one way or another to say “yes” to him, and does everything to refuse you from an emotional and ethical point of view. So many of us find it easier to agree to do something we don't want than to feel guilty about rejection.

Arm yourself with the "technique of neutrality": come up with a phrase that will not be an unambiguous "no" or an unambiguous "yes" and knock the weapon out of the hands of the manipulator with this phrase. For example, "okay, I'll think about it and get back to you with an answer."

It is easier to refuse impersonal communication later than directly, and you will have time to find a formulation that will relieve you of any guilt about the refusal.

PROTECT YOUR HAPPINESS

Toxic people suffer from a wide variety of neuroses, and constantly comparing oneself to others is one of them. But if adequate and mature personalities in such a comparison derive motivation for self-development, for toxic characters this is a constant source of negative experiences. And since they do not know how to deal with their feelings and emotions, they compensate for these traumatic experiences at the expense of others.

This often manifests itself in the desire to “steal happiness”: for example, you invite guests to a housewarming party and proudly show your home, but instead of congratulations, you hear caustic remarks from a toxic relative about the flaws of the apartment, often camouflaged as compliments or advice (“yes, you see- then from the window to the terrible concrete five-story building - well, nothing, plant flowers! ). It seems to be nothing aggressive, but the mood is ruined …

The purpose of such remarks is one: to steal your joy.

Don't let that happen. It is best not to share your joy with such people at all, but if this cannot be avoided, then prepare yourself in advance for their reaction and let it deafen.

DO NOT APOLOGIZE

The more often you say “I'm sorry, please!”, The more toxic people have power over you. Never apologize for decisions that you have the right to make, including the right to refuse. Or at least don't apologize more than once if for you an apology is a form of polite speech.

TRUST YOUR BODY AND YOUR INSTINCTS

It often happens that the manipulation of a toxic person is not obvious - it seems that no one offends you, and nothing aggressive happens, but why is your whole body tense and your fists clenched? And why does the thought of having to meet and spend time with this person put a burden on you?

And why, after such meetings, do you feel as if you were mixed with mud, and you immediately need to justify your existence?..

Because aggression does not always manifest itself in shouting or insults, and a smart manipulator will find a million ways to assert himself at your expense without stopping to bazaar rhetoric. If you feel that at the moment of communication you are on the defensive, then you are being attacked. And you need to take action.

CUT TO THE FUCKING MOTHER, WITHOUT WAITING FOR PERITONITIS

But sometimes the only way to rid yourself of the influence of a toxic person is to completely refuse to communicate with him. Leaving work from a toxic boss, a complete rupture of relations with a toxic girlfriend, ignoring toxic relatives.

Your first priority is to take care of yourself and your mental health so that you can fully take care of your loved ones and loved ones. You do not have to deal with other people's neuroses, and, unfortunately, it is impossible to build a healthy relationship with a toxic person.

So, as the old Soviet film said, sometimes the only way to get rid of someone else's drama is to completely cut off its source, without waiting for it to suck you in like a black hole.