The Fear Of Being Completely Alone Makes Us Friends With Those Who Do Not Suit Us At All

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The fear of being completely alone makes us friends with those who do not suit us at all.

With whom you need to constantly bounce to reach his level or to his large-scale self-image. In these relationships, you feel like a "pale moth", a five-grader, it is not clear what she is doing among the tenth-graders.

Or vice versa - to be in the full feeling that you are communicating with a child, try to speak easier, in short phrases, do not joke ambiguously, constantly explain simple things, frown at another stupidity, like the sound of foam on glass …

To be close to a person in clinical depression, where for years there is no time for you.

Or with a person who is not depressed, but in constant non-stop trash. And it seems that just about a gap will appear in his life, and the moment will come when it will be possible to share something of his own, to discuss his own … But the gap does not come for weeks, months, years … At some point, you may find that several years of my life were spent solving the problems of another person.

Or, for example, when formal communication is required of you - strict adherence to certain rituals, the obligatory daily exchange of courtesies in correspondence, coming to visit on Sundays, joint vacations. You are part of the scheme, a place has been allocated for you, and it seems even replicas have been spelled out …

You can get into a relationship where you are sure that you are friends, but for another, you are just acquaintances.

You can find yourself in a relationship where you are rudely set up.

Close friendship, like love, is always a risk. The risk of opening up, getting attached, finding yourself “without clothes”, becoming in need of this particular friend.

There is a risk of being misunderstood, rejected, ridiculed.

Or "unrecognized", when the other simply does not distinguish all these nuances, shades, gradation of sounds, the difference in experiences. And for him “all cats are gray” and not only at dusk, the depth of feelings is unattainable, so it seems far-fetched, strange …

In such a friendship, you can feel "very strange" and at some point doubt your adequacy.

Happiness is when you are understood

When I was a teenager, there was a TV show where a boy gave out this phrase.

Yes, it's great when you are understood. It's great when you can talk to someone in your own language, and they will understand and accept you with all your truth.

It’s bitter if it’s not so, but you keep trying and nothing comes of it. And then you settle for less - for a “spoonful” of intimacy - short periods of warmth, glimpses of understanding, moments of unity. “Better this way than not at all” - this is how women often argue in a disgusting marriage, in a relationship where they receive crumbs … but then there are at least these crumbs, but they will not be like that either …

The fear of being completely alone makes us hold on to people who suit me perfectly.

Remember, in the days of the clothing markets and the scarcity that was not yet eradicated, it was necessary to come to the market and buy shoes. You cannot leave the market without shoes, you had to choose from what is available.. and the torments of hell begin - everything that you met in these endless rows is not that … but you cannot leave without shoes. And you have to choose something smaller than you need, or a fashionable, but completely unsuitable style for you, something of high quality, but not to your liking, or bright, but terribly uncomfortable in which it is still impossible to walk …

Now you can come to the shopping center and, without buying this time, come to another or order through the boarding school. There is no shortage of shoes. It is different with people.. despite the absence of a shortage of people and an abundance of social networks, friendship is more difficult than love, special dating sites have not been created for it, and other schemes are in place to build relationships. It takes a lot of time to recognize a person, get closer, eat a pound of salt (have a joint experience and more than one), start to trust … and then friendship is possible in all this. This requires space, conditions …

But I am still in favor of not stopping, but trying to find friends. Find those relationships in which you will be heard, supported, in which you can share your innermost and, on the other hand, feel like a friend - support and support to another person.

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