2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There have been many things in my life that need to wait out. I learned to wait since kindergarten. You just need to learn to wait - from morning until lunchtime, then wait out a quiet hour, then an evening walk. And then the parents will come too. I learned to understand this timeline - what comes after what, and when they will come for me.
This ability to wait out “bad times” has come in handy for me in my life. I learned very well how to shrink into a ball, freeze and wait. And I was never bored! Since childhood, I have adapted to live an inner life. Sitting for hours on a bench on the veranda of a kindergarten, not being able to leave this veranda, or looking from a hospital bed at the ceiling; being in a pioneer camp; at the school desk; at a job you don't really like; caring for sick children; not having money for the most necessary things - I learned to wait for better times.
I didn't immediately understand when the moment of meaningless waiting came. First, you can get up and leave, no one will chase me. Secondly, there is no one to expect. Nobody will come for me.
I am free to make a decision and go in any direction. And only I am responsible for myself. There is no one to show and there is no one to be offended - that they walked for a long time, they did not take it for a long time, they did not take them there - there is no one to show it to.
This means that I am free. You can go.
“But … Maybe not worth it? Maybe now is not the best time? Maybe "there" will be worse than "here"? And who knows how "there" will be? Maybe I should just wait it out, and everything will turn out in the best way for me?"
I believe that the ability to wait is an important life skill - somehow you have to go through a gloomy, cold autumn, a slushy, gloomy winter, an inhospitable spring, go through workdays, school problems of children, home lessons, a boring, meaningless marriage … the same must wait … Find a place inside yourself, where to hide from all this and live there … In books, films, TV shows, hobbies, rare trips, breaths of fresh wind, in the noise of the waves, in the smell of blossoming flowers … And let this harsh, inhospitable life does not concern me in any way …
Or maybe it's worth taking the risk and trying to face what is painful, unpleasant, disgusting, sickening and not at all yours? To face all these disgusting things … To look all this disgusting rubbish in the face …
And leave?
Move to another city, where there is more air and the cries of seagulls can be heard.
Someone decides to look for another job or change their profession.
Someone must admit that marriage is empty and has not given anything for a long time. Exhale and walk away.
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