2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Each person has an inner child and an inner parent inside. They are gradually formed from their own experience, experiences, events and from the images of other people. The inner adult is the collective image of all significant adults in a person's life. Such a cast of itself, frozen indestructible somewhere in the subconscious. It can be an exact cast of one parent. Or maybe a mix of parents, grandparents, teachers, and older siblings. A parent is always with you.
Once in her teens, the girl was going to a disco and heard from her mother: “Where are you wearing such a short skirt! They will even think that you are a girl of easy virtue! And now a serious adult lady, with work, husband and three children, chooses clothes in the store - and will never take a skirt for anything if it does not cover her knees! Mom is not around. She lives on the other side of town. But the inner mom keeps repeating this phrase right in her head. The woman is afraid that they will think of her. Nervous, adjusts.
A little boy stumbles and falls. He is hurt and hurt. And above him the figure of his father rises and sternly says: “Do not whine! What are you like a girl! You had to look under your feet. The boy swallows tears and suffers. And now he is an adult uncle himself, he works until night, on weekends he wants to hide in a burrow so that no one touches him. But he is a man - he has no right to complain! And what tingles in the chest is probably the weather. The inner father looks stern and stern. And the person is systematically moving towards chronic fatigue, depression or heart attack.
A parent is a critic, a constraint, a demanding person.
And somewhere in the same subconscious, in addition to the inner parent, the inner child is also hidden. It is not known how old he is - everyone has their own age. This is the age at which a person acutely felt rejection from a significant adult. The earliest age from this experience. Where they scolded, but did not support, where they pushed away, and did not hug, where they turned away and did not protect. And this child is still there, in the same day, in the same event. He hides from the adult critic.
And so a person joins in life failure and feels, like this child, small and pitiful. And somewhere in the ears the voice of the parent sounds: "I told you so!"
These are the most important relationships in life. Someone was lucky and his internal casts from experience were developed resourcefully. There is a supportive and accepting parent and a free, easy, happy child. From this symbiosis, a happy adult is born!
What if not? If the person has a different experience?
How to build the relationship between your inner parent and the child so that at a difficult moment the kid would say sincerely: "I am in pain," and the parent would just as sincerely answer: "I love you."
After all, only by accepting and loving himself, a person is able to love and accept another. Do not plug holes in your emotions, but really love.
But for this it is necessary to re-educate the inner adult and with his help to raise in a new way your inner child - beloved, accepted and listened to.
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