Dad Can Do Anything?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The other day I came across a message on my mother's forum, something like the following (not a quote): "It looks like I have postpartum depression. I don't sleep much at night, I feel like a driven horse, I'm annoyed at everything and everyone, most of all at my wife and child …" No, it's not a typo!)

Guys don't cry, something like that? They do not cry, but pack their unshed tears in a bag and put them somewhere far away inside themselves. And after a while - ready-made such patients (ugh!), Clients of consulting rooms. Since they also do not go to the offices, then …

Well, this is not a good scenario. Although, in my opinion, it is much worse to break into a wife and child, sit at work in the evenings, sit out at a friend's house with a bottle of beer at night, and in the morning … in fact, what kind of guy doesn’t find something to do half an hour before work?

In American psychotherapeutic practice, there is even a special term Paternal Postnatal Depression (PPND). And American soul healers trumpet that this is serious, although less common than female PND.

A certain American psychotherapist Will Courtney believes that if our dads were more involved in parenting processes, and not just "on you little, I'm shopping", but would have in their pocket a magic cheat sheet (Courtney calls it a "model of behavior") regarding what to do with the child, there would be much fewer PPND cases. After all, ignorance and misunderstanding is the right path to irritability and anger.

It seems to me that in many cases, both female and male depression does not arise out of the blue simply because of the very fact of having a child. The reasons always lie either somewhere before the birth of the child - problems with work / finances, discord in family life, cases of depression, or are associated with the parent's internal unpreparedness for sleepless nights, colic, etc.

In the first month of my pregnancy, I bought my husband's "Daddy's book" by the Norwegian Lars-Ludwig Roed, the father of two children (at the time of the book's release). She herself read it. He shared the responsibilities of caring for the baby with his wife quite actively. Here is the result: “And then he (the father-author) begins to ask himself a painful question: why do fathers go to work? To be more precise, why do they in these first days, immediately after the appearance of the newborn, crawl out of the house and, appearing where people are really busy with business, pretend to be in the workplace? " This dad understood mom. And I understood my role.

After all, many dads believe that motherhood is from the word mom. And dad plays a purely cave role, and the main task is to earn money. This is a very good idea. But stereotypes are given to destroy them. Therefore, dad can also be helped to want to be involved in the process (wants, but is silent?:))

How?? Books, for example. Every dad will have time to read at least a childcare brochure with information about his needs and characteristics.

Joint preparations. Involve dad in buying "little men" with explanations of how to put them on later. Courses, of which there is now a huge variety for every taste. Conscious parenting centers, psychological groups, and simply family psychologists. It is important to know WHAT this is actually going to happen in the house and in the minds of the parents after the birth of the child. This means that you should hear it in the courses.

Prescribing the role of the Pope in the end. Draw from ten volumes read by my mother during pregnancy (my father only managed to read the brochure) and present it in a digestible form to her husband. And share responsibilities with him. Do not run together for three nights in a row near the screaming little man. One on the battlefield, the second on the lava of the spare, sleeps in a separate room, if possible. Dad bathes, mom bathes. This is too fantastic)). If dad is left alone for an hour, you need to give him clear instructions on what to do in principle, and in case … and so on.

Of course, no one cancels the indirect reasons for such a state of the young pope. Problems at work and money can come at any time. The family's mood will deteriorate. But here the mother's task is not to blame, but to support the young father of a large family in every possible way. And, perhaps, temporarily relieve the husband of papal affairs while he is looking for work or additional income. Then dad will certainly offer the help of his mother-in-law!)

Parents should not lose contact with each other. It can often be like this - mom is tired, and defiantly offended dad. And dad was tired too, and no one noticed it. Communicate. About what worries, about how exhausted you are, about fears and disappointments. You are both in a similar situation. This means that there will be twice as many solutions.

And go for a walk! Together, and sometimes separately, let go of each other.

Now, I hope dad will be fully armed.