The Patient Can Do Anything! Are You Responsible For Your Illness?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The patient can do anything! Are you responsible for your illness?

In our culture, disease is often perceived as something that came from space and attacked our body from the outside. Thus, we seem to have nothing to do with it: "we are not responsible for what happens to our body." Plus, in society, either such a strong fear of getting sick, or a high-flying sacrifice in relation to sick people, warms up the irresponsible position of the sick person and corrupts him, allowing him to manipulate the world with the help of his illness. That is, we are now talking about the fact that if I showed firmness and rigidity in relation to a sick person in response to his manipulations and violation of my boundaries, then I will certainly be punished by some serious illness too, because I offended the patient, I did not I sacrificed my interests to him, I did not allow myself to be psychologically raped, I told the patient “stop”. So an initially healthy person (or a healthier one) becomes a victim of someone else's disease, a hostage of his own conscience, guilt, and in the end can become a slave of the sick person.

Here I am talking exclusively about only that part of sick people who use the bonuses of their disease. And, of course, not all patients do this. Some, on the contrary, refuse help and care, so as not to burden anyone. But this is a completely different story. Here we are talking about the manipulation of sick people and the secondary benefits of the disease. The article is not about that. That you need to turn away from the patient and deprive him of compassion and care. It's about how not to sacrifice yourself if your patient is trying to manipulate you, and you are constrained by your duty to him and cannot stop the manipulation.

I will give an example: my mother is an elderly woman - hypertensive.. Slightly grasps her heart with her hand and swallows pills … insults and controls her daughter, invades her family, The daughter is silent, she cannot say anything to her mother, because she is afraid to provoke a heart attack and cause my mother's death. And mother, meanwhile, continues to poison her daughter's life … Soon, her daughter was diagnosed with blood cancer. Take responsibility for the life of the mother and sacrifice himself to her and her illness, or stop her despotism and say stop? That was the choice the daughter faced.

Why don't we say to a sick person who manipulates us with words like stop and no? It is not compassion and mercy that hinders us, but feelings of guilt and fear. Guilt for being cruel, fear that if I am cruel, then I myself can get sick as a punishment for my cruelty.

If the thought proceeds according to such a scheme, then magical thinking is powerfully turned on. Yes, and in the Holy Scripture it is written: "Treat people as you would like to be treated to you." We all want to be given concessions suddenly if that … But did you not notice that this common truth does not work? Rather, it gives rise to parasites, manipulators and a bunch of emotionally raped people with "failed" boundaries. Rather, the following thesis works: "Treat yourself the way you would like other people to treat you." By treating yourself first of all with love, you will be able to show this love to another person. It is sincere love and compassion, and not love out of guilt, fear and duty.

And when we come across those who are sick and skillfully use our "privileged" position in connection with this, we face the most difficult choice: to keep our boundaries or to allow a sick person to violate them out of pity for him and out of fear that if we do not enter the situation and if we do not understand, then soon we ourselves will fall ill as punishment for callousness. But after all, our anger, despite the fact that we allow our pity to manipulate the patient, will not go anywhere, it will remain in us and will definitely manifest somewhere, in some of our areas in life. So someone else's disease can have an impact on our lives. Or rather, not someone else's disease itself, but our reaction to it, our way of dealing with our feelings for the patient.

But imagine: you entered into an agreement with someone, a deal and suddenly, a person does not come to a deal, because at night he suddenly fell ill and your whole plan falls apart, your schedule collapses, because of this force majeure you lose your clients and a lot of money! Well, how can you be indignant here ?! Anyone can happen! You do not say a word about your discontent, squeeze anger and annoyance in yourself! You are silent. Why? Why are you silent and do not present the patient with an invoice to compensate for the losses incurred by you? Are you scared and ashamed of being bad? You get into a position and voluntarily let yourself be raped like that? "After all, this can happen to anyone, God forbid with me too.." It is better to be silent, of course, otherwise.. Or in this way, you buy yourself from God with your silence permission to manipulate other people through your illness in case of something, lay a straw for yourself? And don't you think that your partner just got sick like that suddenly, because he did not realize his resistance to sign this agreement, but promised you in the heat of the moment … And at night he had some kind of seizure as a reaction of the body to resistance. This may well be true.

Don't you think that any disease, any symptom, lies in the patient's area of responsibility? After all, the disease kind of tells us: something in your life is going wrong, realize and correct it, the body gives a signal about the wrong choice, suppressed emotion, etc. Would you really help him if you returned responsibility for his body? Why should his illness become your problem? A disease is also an unconscious choice of a person, for which a person is responsible for himself. But we are “multiplying” the number of sick people with this sacrifice and indulgence of the sick, the permission to manipulate on our illness. No, they do suffer in pain, but there can be a lot of unconscious secondary benefits behind this painful suffering.

Why do children get sick? Because of the same. That in their illness there are also secondary benefits - receiving love from mom and dad, attracting attention to themselves. Moreover, often the child unconsciously serves the needs of his mother and the mother in connection with the child's illness, in addition to worries and worries, secondary benefits appear, such as, for example, the father's departure from the family with a sick child is impossible, such a mother does not need to go to work, attention is the side of others to such a mother is increased and this is also a way for the inner child of the mother to receive the love of significant others.. and much more. But it is forgivable for a child, he is small and he is looking for all possible ways to get what he wants from adults.. It is important that the child's pattern is not fixed, that benefits and love can only be obtained by being sick.

If a person takes advantage of the bonuses of his illness, he essentially behaves like a little irresponsible child. And this does not exclude the fact that close people will be nearby who will provide support and help fight the disease. And it's nice.. And maybe for the sake of this moment you got sick to see who really loves you, if there is no other way to feel this love. But then you are simply sick for the sake of receiving secondary benefits.

If a person realizes that his illness is only his problem and he has no one to blame for it and there is no place to wait for indulgences and secondary benefits, then the chances of being quickly healed are significantly increased. I suggest that you take responsibility for your illnesses and not take advantage of the secondary benefits that illness gives, and you will see how your health will improve and you will be less sick. Illness is a choice (unconscious, of course). And that choice can become part of your character. Then illness is already part of your character. In the latter case, the victim of your illness is not only you, but also those who surround you and pity you, allowing you to violate your boundaries and interests.

Good health to all.