2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What am I talking about? When a person is sick, it is clear that it is necessary to support him in every possible way. Psychologically and physically. Protect, satisfy his urgent needs, create conditions for the fastest recovery, help, promote his positive attitude.
That's just - where is the line, passing through which you can clearly understand that "this" is for his good, and "this", already, is to the detriment and not to the benefit?
In the sense that a sick person gets used to tasty and unconditional support and stops making independent attempts to work to restore and rehabilitate their health and condition.
Indeed, why bother if everyone will be served "on a silver platter" anyway? After all, efforts are efforts, this is stress, and it is often uncomfortable that you are re-mastering some skill that you were deprived of during the course of your illness.
The sick person gets some benefit from his illness. Much is forgiven him, he is not asked too much, they do not overload him, they take care of him and, if possible, are kindly treated. Almost like a small one.
And then there may be some regression with falling back into childhood. When you were cared for just for being. And they demanded nothing in return. All responsibility was with close adults.
It's sweet in its own way. Return to childhood and "lull" yourself with the attention of relatives, their caring attitude towards you, love …
And you can also exercise your power and control over loved ones in this way. After all, they can no longer freely go somewhere or go about their business. They should always be "on the lookout", ready to come to the call and show all kinds of help. How else, because the patient is bad? …
And it is also difficult for someone who cares for a sick person. There is a feeling that he, too, is being dragged into a "whirlpool" of a painful state. The whole world begins to revolve intensively around a sick loved one. All strength and energy are given to him. And gradually, supporting the patient, the person begins to feel exhaustion, absorption, emotional internal discomfort and lack of freedom.
There is not enough air, personal distance and time for yourself and your self-expression in life.
This happens when both people are in a tight fusion. A process when there is no division into me and you, but only "we". As in childhood, when some mothers talk about their relationship with their children, “we ate so much…”, “we already know how to do this…” This is a fusion that supports the maturing child.
But adult partners shouldn't. Because in a relationship there are two adults, two individuals, different in their preferences and tastes. And everyone in a relationship needs their own separate freedom, their own air, personal time to recover and nourish themselves. Their business, interests, hobbies.
And this, by the way, helps to improve relationships. After all, no matter how close people would be spiritually and they would not be interested and fascinating with each other - sometimes it is necessary to part a little in order to make it even more interesting to meet.
Each partner has his own inner world, which needs to be filled exclusively with his own notes of sensations and individual personal impressions. So that there was something to share later with others … To be mutually filled and enriched by this.
And if it is always in fusion, then there is no spiritual development and, accordingly, no interpersonal development. The melody of mutual relations does not sound in various and exciting shades, but stagnates and "glitches".
Therefore, it is necessary to give yourself, even in such a relationship for caring for a sick person close to you, rest, the opportunity to perform your "song" of life and make distant pauses for new, developing each other, spiritual meetings.
An adult sick person can be constructively helped only when he himself has the motivation for his recovery. If he does not have such a desire, or his internal resources are limited, then it will be extremely difficult to do anything efficiently without his participation.
Completely overprotective patient can get sick with him or keep his illness in him. From the point of view, that he will not have the mobilization of his internal reserves and forces, the manifestation of his potential for liberation from the disease. When everything is done for him and instead of him, then there is a kind of psychological disability of him, first of all, as a person.
It turns out that a sick person can do a lot of things that a healthy person was not allowed. Then the point is to recover?
And every adult finds meanings for himself at certain intervals of his life time. And they can change depending on their internal and physical condition, age characteristics.
Therefore, the sick person needs to be given support, help, participation, warmth to the extent that he himself strives to mobilize his strength and work on his early rehabilitation and self-recovery. And the main thing is to believe in him.
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