"Be Patient, Everyone Suffers!" A Generation Of Patient

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"Be patient, everyone suffers!" A generation of patient.

Many people believe that patience in family, at work, in friendships is the foundation of a relationship. This is how our grandmothers and parents taught us. But they didn’t know that the flip side of patience is early death and serious illness.

In this universal sacrificial patience, for centuries, the personal boundaries of people in the family were eroded and violated, for centuries skeletons of resentment and guilt were hiding in closets. Because "Be patient, everyone suffers, and you be patient." And now a generation of "patient" has grown up who do not have the levers of healthy relationships, but only the manipulation of sacrifice and violence allows them to build relationships.

The “patient” endures for years and manipulates on guilt for being hurt, and there comes a moment when the patient (victim) will demand to return his energy of patience, although, with all his appearance, he manipulatively demands: “Look how I am for I try and endure you, but you …”. But, it happens that in the open, no, no, and even declare: "You owe me for my patience." This is how we live: we endure, manipulate, get sick and die prematurely. The notorious patience praised by religions is becoming a stranglehold around the neck of an entire generation. For us to not tolerate means to destroy, yell, conflict, be destructive and we choose destructiveness in the form of patience. One is "better" than the other.

No one even thinks about what not to tolerate means building personal boundaries within relationships, respecting their own and others' personal boundaries. When one of the family members (most often a teenager) tries to build their own personal boundaries, the family reacts with indignation and tries to suppress the riot on the ship.

This is how a new generation of "patient" people grows up, not respecting their own and other people's personal boundaries. At work, the boss scoffs - tolerate, an elderly mother invades the adult family of a daughter or son - tolerate, a child jumps on the parent's head, hits a parent - tolerate, a friend uses it constantly - tolerate. Is this life? This is a religious sect "endured", in which everyone endures, because after suffering in this life, paradise is due to those who are patient. What if there is nothing there? Empty there! And here in this life you simply merge with your own hands into the sinkhole of violent relationships. And you organize these violent relationships first of all with yourself, and then with the world.

No! All these are chips of patience that your ancestors instilled into your head and these chips lead you to suffering and an incomplete suffering life. Why endure pain if you can not endure it, but stop it by marking personal boundaries? But no one is taught this, and often the rapist and manipulator in the family, in an attempt to prohibit him from manipulating and rape, says: "You owe me, if you don't do what suits me, you violate my boundaries." People are turning the world upside down because defining personal boundaries is a disaster for many. "You said no to me, you said no to my expectations, my requirements, my claims to you, which means that you are a violator of my boundaries." The abuser says to the victim of violence: "You do not let me rape you and by doing this you violate my personal boundaries." Manipulators do so often - they turn the obvious facts inside out and now the "patient" or the victim thinks: "But it's true, I don't let him use me and this violates his boundaries."

So we multiply this intra-family violence and pass it on from generation to generation, feeding on the religious "endure, suffer, then you will get paradise." This is a psychological zombie that makes a herd of sheep obedient to the guide. The family is not the place where you have to endure and turn relationships into slavery. It is with the family that understanding and understanding of personal boundaries begins. Instead of the notorious angelic patience, we need to learn to talk to each other on equal terms, learn to respect our own and other people's boundaries. Patience in a relationship is not a base, not a support, but a time bomb.