2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Distrust … What is it? Where does it come from? Someone who does not trust may have a violated need for basic security and, as a result, the need to control everything, while manipulating everyone around him in order to reduce his own anxiety and fear of repeating past negative experiences, which they perceived as very painful.
The one who is not trusted experiences conscious or unconscious guilt, because the distrustful one, as it were, reports: "I do not believe that you are good, most likely you are bad and I am almost sure that you are bad, all that remains is to find evidence of your badness." … If you look at this message directly in the face, then, although it is veiled, it sounds like this: "You are bad and therefore I do not believe you." Therefore, it is quite natural that it accuses a person of what he has not yet done and requires justification, proof of innocence.
Therefore, distrust is a direct fall into the sense of guilt of the one who is not trusted and in this sense it can be considered manipulation, with one exception: if the experience of lying with this person has already been and the distrustful person has already suffered from the one whom he does not trust. If the mistrust is based in his distrust on the experience of other people's lies and projects it onto you, and you are as pure as glass in your relationship with him and do not understand why and on what basis they do not trust you, then this is one of the methods of very elegant manipulation of feelings. guilt. And the whole trouble is that this is not at all obvious and the distrustful does not even understand, does not realize that with his mistrust it causes the other to blame.
Naturally, in response to distrust, he receives either protective anger, or a lie, which protects from excessive control … The circle is closed. The one who does not trust himself has proved that no one can be trusted. A defect such as total distrust is usually based on a violation of basic security. It is because of the basic trauma that a person in his life finds those who prove to him again and again his theorem: the world is unsafe, you cannot trust the world. So a small child, for whom the world is a mother, brings his early traumatic experience into his adult life.
Do you know how to trust in a relationship?
(c) Yulia Latunenko
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