2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In the course of work, one often comes across such an expression that is expressed by female clients: “I don’t trust men and therefore I cannot build a normal relationship.” Of course, in each case the situation is very individual and contains many nuances, but something in common can be distinguished. In my opinion, behind this phrase hides a somewhat different, even sometimes not always conscious statement that a woman does not trust herself in her relationships with men. Indeed, in life there are very different men, some really lie, betray, change, but there are also honest, decent and loyal. It is impossible to influence in some way on all men, just as it is impossible for a woman to know everything about them, since they are not in the zone of her control. But these kinds of trust problems, of course, do not appear from scratch. In most cases, a woman has received a negative experience in her life, and it also happens that this has happened more than once, and on the basis of this subjective experience, mistrust arises in all men in a row, which in turn does not at all contribute to the construction of any relationship, not to mention love and emotional closeness. And this is what a woman wants, especially in a relationship, but trust is not the cornerstone, and it seems that she wants to trust and is scary. Here are a few things to watch out for when considering this issue.
The past cannot be returned, but it can be analyzed and certain conclusions can be drawn. Strange as it may seem, but it is the analysis of past failures that can help not to make mistakes in the present and in the future. Everyone is familiar with the saying about the rake, which should not be stepped on all the time, and so, as an example, one of the clients, after such an analysis, concluded for herself that she was not suitable for men with whom she had an official relationship. She made it a rule for herself that under no circumstances would she henceforth meet or start romances with colleagues. Another in the same way came to the conclusion that if a man is married, it is taboo. Regardless of everything. Only complete, one might say total, compliance with such rules for oneself will reduce the level of mistrust in men, since a completely different story is possible with others.
The relationship can be compared to a river that has different depths and bottom topography. When you enter the river, first the water is knee-deep, then waist-deep, and then you swim, but you can jump out of the boat in the middle of the river, head down, and there is a stone bottom …. In relationships, people often jump out of the boat, which often ends sadly. First, in this case, the partner, about which not much is known yet, receives a large amount of information about what a woman is, how she lives, what problems, dreams she has, and, as a conclusion, the thought that with him a woman will be able to realize all this (this often happens when a woman seemsthat this man exactly the same, Prince on a white horse). The phrase "I opened myself to him and gave it to him, and he was such a bastard, and how to trust after that?" in such situations, it is far from uncommon. Here it is worth paying attention to the fact that sometimes it is worthwhile to slightly reduce the amount of information about yourself, especially at the very beginning of a relationship. Still, it is better to enter an unfamiliar river a little. Secondly, do not try to give too much at this stage. Often, in such a situation, women pay very little attention to something in the behavior of their chosen one, except for his words, but in vain. After all, no one will say in plain text "Darling, I am in the family, in general, a tyrant and a bore." By and large, only the behavior of a person in different situations can characterize a person and make it possible to get to know him better. It can be joint visits to visit, travel somewhere, discussing something, of course, you should not provoke a man to perform feats, but the request to meet him after work is quite appropriate. A lot of useful information can be gained about a person when you do something together, from planting flowers to going to the store. When a person tells something about himself, he wants people to think of him that way. Therefore, words and actions can be strikingly different, this applies not only to men))
A very important point is self-respect and self-love (not to be confused with narcissism). The question of the internal boundaries that need to be shown, but not from the point of demonstrating strength, from the point of precisely love for oneself and, as a consequence, an adequate attitude towards a partner. Example: Not getting enough sleep can make anyone feel irritable. So if you wake up in the morning at 7, then you need to go to bed at 11, phone calls later than 23 00 will not please you in this case (there are exceptions - the wish for sweet dreams), which will affect the next day and the relationship with your partner. But if a woman herself does things that say that her attitude towards herself is so-so, then a man, seeing this, will treat such a woman in the same way. If she considers it possible to sort things out with him before 4 in the morning, then the conclusion is obvious. But initially, completely different expectations were placed on the behavior of a man.
It is impossible to change other people, we can only change something in ourselves to become happier. Be more attentive to your feelings and experiences, learn to find where you used to lose.
Live with joy! Anton Chernykh.
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