Mom, I Don't Want To Give Birth

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

What do we know about such a phenomenon as childfree? Just let's understand the facts and myths, and we will not unfoundedly assert that this is bad or, on the contrary, fanatically prove how beautiful and modern it is.

So, first, a few facts:

Wikipedia gives us a perfectly digestible explanation of the term.

Childfree (English childfree - free from children; English childless by choice, voluntary childless - voluntarily childless) is a subculture and ideology characterized by a conscious unwillingness to have children. The main idea of childfree is the abandonment of children in the name of personal freedom.

There are several "types" of childfree. These are people who dislike children in general, people who simply live for themselves, people who at first did not want children, and then it did not work out.

The childfree movement (or is it a phenomenon?) In the United States increases the number of its supporters every year, and for Russia this is a relatively new phenomenon. And, in addition to supporters, he has a lot of opponents.

In order to determine your attitude towards chilfree, you should also debunk several myths:

Myth 1. Childfries hate children

If the interlocutor tells some mom that he is a childfree, then you should not grab the child and run from this person wherever you look. He does not plan to kill your child, does not intend to harm him or drink his blood. This person simply does not want to have children of his own, but he will not have anything against yours at all. Your child is interesting only to you, put up with it already.

Myth 2. Childfree - unhappy, lonely people

No one refutes the fact that such personalities can also be found among the "pseudo-chilefries". But there is another question: are they unhappy because they are childless? Then you should use the term "childless" (childless). Because a true childfree, if unhappy, is clearly not due to childlessness. About loneliness is about the same scheme. If a woman has no children just because she is not married, then this is not a childfree phenomenon.

Myth 3. Childfree tries to undermine the foundations of the family

The following picture immediately appears to me: a gloomy, evil aunt is walking down the street, she sees a happy family with three children and how she begins to conduct her agitation and subversive activities. Real childfree doesn't prove anything to anyone. They simply have no time to do this, they build a career, travel, rest, in general, lead the life for which they abandoned their children.

In my opinion, it is a thankless task to conduct violent "brain-government" work with real childfree and, in general, is of no use to anyone. Let's just leave people alone.

But there is another type of people who also call themselves this term, but, in fact, have deep psychological difficulties.

If a woman calls herself childfree only because she is infertile, then the psychologist should work precisely with the woman's acceptance of her ailment. The shame that she did not realize herself as a mother can force a woman to join various organizations that promote the rejection of motherhood.

As mentioned above, real childfree do not impose anything and do not organize movements for the rights of the childless. Therefore, if a woman actively positions herself as a childfree and convinces others that she is right, then this is also a good reason to sort out such a position with a psychologist.

And, of course, I have met a large number of women who use childfree terminology only because they simply did not meet a man from whom they would like to have a child. No one can guarantee that they will meet such a man. But the desire to have a child in principle and the desire to have a child from a particular man are still two big differences. There are women whose maternal instinct is so developed (I am not saying that this is good or bad) that they are ready to give birth to a child “for themselves”. And there are women who are aimed at creating a complete family, and in the absence of a candidate for the role of husband, motherhood fades into the background. And then the work of a psychologist is not in the development of this instinct, but in the woman's acceptance of herself, work with her self-esteem and relationships with men.

There is also the fear of childbirth, the fear of getting fat, the fear of being unable to provide for the child, the fear that the mother will not be able to love her child. The abandonment of children is most often, in general, one continuous fear.

I was recently told that the maternal instinct should be a priori in every woman. I thought about it … Are we so correlated in our instincts with animals? Procreation instinct - what is it? Social? Vital?