Escaping Respect

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Respect is a concept whose meaning is not obvious. Everyone knows what jealousy or fear is. If you ask for an explanation of respect, then there will be a hitch, in any case, I have observed this more than once. You can respect a person, or rather, some of its qualities, courage or patience. Merit or achievement can be respected. This feeling does not require action; rather, it is an element in a person's picture of the world.

Someone respects, but someone does not. In defining respect, the key is the recognition of the value of the object of respect. “I respect this person for his talent and achievements,” therefore, what he does is valuable to me. “I respect his age” - I also want to live for many years. However, the assessment is a subjective thing, for one the value, and for the other - vice versa. One respects a distinguished scientist, and the other a criminal authority. Everything depends on the priorities of a particular person.

Respect is an inner response, a feeling. It is often confused with an order, a rule. School essays reflect the process of teaching and upbringing. Everyone on this topic speaks of respect for elders. It is necessary to give way, where can we do without it, to help in every possible way. It follows that respect is about helping. A child up to a certain age perceives information uncritically. When they tell him that elders need to be respected, it’s about the same as: they need to be afraid of an uncle, or it’s completely ridiculous: in winter you need to freeze. A contradiction arises between "must" and one's own feelings, which may be completely different. You need to help and give in, these are the rules of behavior, and the feeling for the old woman is not at all respect, but pity, and it is not cold, even in frost. It turns out that your feelings should not be trusted, because they are wrong. I immediately recall the illustration by A. S. Pushkin on this topic: "My uncle has the most honest rules … He forced himself to respect and could not invent better." And then real feelings: "But, my God, what a boredom With a sick person sitting day and night, Without leaving a single step away!"

Everyone wants respect. Here, the classic drinking: "Do you respect me !?", family: "He does not respect my work around the house at all." what does not put, where is the respect for the parent!”, even inanimate state symbols require respect, let alone the feelings of believers and law enforcement agencies. And all would be fine, only now, the values of people from whom respect is required do not always coincide with those or those who or what respect is required. Encouraged to respect when there are no other arguments to achieve the desired behavior. Such a call is, in fact, manipulation, and it leads to the opposite result, because attempts at manipulation, when they are realized, cause protest. Awareness does not always happen, especially if the personality has not yet been formed. Let's go in order.

Respect for the person.

Any society or group is organized on principles that the majority agree with. But life is diverse, and you can't agree on everything. Someone always wanted to skip the line, when they were, now there is no shortage, but the mentality is changing with difficulty. Disrespect for others is especially noticeable on the road. Rebuilding, cutting, crushing. This is the way people ride who need to prove to themselves and others that they are okay. It would be a mistake to get involved in this game. They suffer from their own complexes. They are not yet ripe for respect. You cannot respect yourself and not respect the other. It's like with emotions, you can't experience them selectively. A person who tries to humiliate another, to put in an awkward position, is bad. He has a fire inside him, we urgently need to extinguish. He has no respect for himself, the dignity of another is not valuable to him. Do not take it personally when they try to talk to you like that, it is from powerlessness. The better a person is developed, the more objects of respect it has, the more valuable for this person, the more he is respected.

Family.

Love without recognition and acceptance is impossible, and the values of the other must be shared, at least partially, or simply accept these differences if you can coexist with them. This is where respect appears, which, in essence, is the recognition of borders, one's own and a partner. In a codependent relationship, there is no respect, and there are no boundaries. There may be pity or habit in them, but always conflicts, irritation and anxiety. At the stage of falling in love, passion can sweep everything away with a whirlwind of emotions, but in long-term partnerships you cannot do without respect. This concept itself presupposes adulthood, autonomy. E Bern says in terms of transactional analysis that communication of respect is possible only as an adult-adult. It is not enough in relationships, because psychologically adults are not all, even if they have their own children, who also suffer from this.

Child and parent.

Many parents sincerely believe that a child should respect them simply by definition. In some cultures, especially Eastern ones, this is the basis of education. There are more regulations and restrictions than in Europe. Basically, this concerns the rules of conduct. But respect is an attitude that cannot be formed by order. It is brought up by personal example. If a parent respects the growing boundaries of the adolescent, recognizes and accepts his feelings and the right to make decisions, then the child learns to respect. You need to strive to meet the requirements. The parent is responsible, but it is useless to demand respect, it is internal, it appears as a response to the attitude and actions of the parents. The teenager forms a view of the world from the family and his growing circle of communication. The child will sooner or later begin to evaluate the parents, their honesty towards themselves. The parent cannot control this, he will have to win the right to be an authority for the teenager, otherwise there will be no respect. The ability to respect others develops as they grow older, closer to adulthood. Only then does he truly begin to be aware of himself.

Respect yourself.

There is nothing about self-respect that is fundamentally different from mutual respect. It presupposes an internal dialogue. Understand your desires, values, personal boundaries, act towards yourself so as not to betray your principles and beliefs. As you know, you cannot run away from yourself, betrayal violates integrity. And that might hurt. Respect yourself, it takes care of your body, which will always tell you what it needs, it is to listen to feelings. Generally speaking, it is to distinguish yourself as a figure from the background, to notice and listen.

Respect for public institutions.

It's easy, you just have to abide by the law, otherwise they will be punished. True, there is still a difference between "respect" and "respect". To respect, to observe it deliberately, because it does not contradict the values. But our need to comply is often dictated by fear. The great Russian scientist I. P. Pavlov showed that positive reinforcement is more reliable than negative. So, respect is a formed positive reinforcement. This is bad for us, apparently, because people in power structures were brought up mainly with negative reinforcement and now they are spreading this experience everywhere.

Respect for the world.

There is nothing frozen, a person's value system changes, he makes discoveries and makes mistakes. What used to deserve respect is indifferent today. Mistakes must be acknowledged and forgiven, including our own. Development, action, movement, and not just words deserve respect. People need it in order to deal with themselves, to find principles and solid ground. The world around us makes it possible to enjoy them, isn't that the greatest value? If we don't learn to live in harmony with him, we will destroy him and ourselves, so let's cultivate respect.