2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Yesterday we talked with a colleague about the difference between male and female attitudes towards sex. He told me about his male point of view. He believes that for a man, a woman's consent to sex means that a man is approved, accepted entirely as he is.
I.e sex is such a means of self-approval.
And if the woman refuses, then something is wrong with the man. I met this point of view among women. And here it seems important to me that this placement of approval outside, into the power of another person, makes a person addicted to sex.
If I don’t understand myself, I don’t support myself, but on the contrary, I constantly find fault with myself, then yes, I need another person in order to fill this missing function of self-support.
And then the relationship with another person will be interesting to me only in one plane: you approve of me, agreeing to sex.
The other person is used to raise my self-esteem, while within myself I am constantly lowering myself
For the same purpose, women often use marriage. (I also met this with men.) That is, if you and I get married, then you approve of me, then everything is all right with me. But unlike sex with one partner, you can get married only once (although I know cases when people with one partner got married and divorced several times), and you can get confirmation with sex many, many times.
If a person is unsure of himself, that is, he does not support himself within himself, does not respect, does not understand himself, then he definitely needs an external person who will be entrusted with the function of respect, approval and support. Such people do not tolerate conflicts arising from the normal difference of interests, because because of conflicts, the ideal scheme collapses, where the partner must exclusively approve and accept me.
Every conflict is perceived as rejection, not to mention rejection. The partner, as it were, has no right either to his desires, or to his opinion, or to the absence of desires at some point, in general, he has no right to himself. To avoid a situation of conflict or refusal, an addicted person is forced to control a partner with the help of manipulations, as if to look for buttons with the help of which the partner will always be happy and agree, and this control can be performed either by threats to the partner, or by betraying his my own needs, when I kind of adjust to another person in such a way that he was always satisfied, literally I become his slave.
So much for the classic victim and executioner.
And you can also enter the parental role and educate, moralize, reproach and indicate how the partner should behave "correctly" so that I am (a) satisfied (satisfied).
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