2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Good afternoon dear friends!
I continue to answer the questions that arose in the comments to my articles on therapy.
Why didn't the psychologist explain to me how to treat him at the very beginning of our work? I perceived him as a wizard friend, it was very good for me to have such a friend, but when I told him about it, he replied that these were just my projections and nothing more
Firstly, I am sad that, apparently, in this situation they did not treat you very carefully. As if pushed away, reacted without understanding. Or it was perceived that way, unfortunately … I think it was important here not just to say “this is your projection,” but to talk about your feelings, your expectations, about a possible desire to have such a friend. Express regret sincerely that I had to face something painful.
Yes, here, one can assume, in life there are not enough relationships like this …
I would carefully say that I am not a friend either, because our communication is limited and the relationship is likely to end sooner or later, when the problems are resolved, that the client hired me to solve his problems for money … Yes, I would ask about then, I would like to build the same relationship of trust in life, about how this can be achieved. What kind of relationship would you like. With whom. These are all good topics for advancement in work and in the life of the client.
Yes, all this can be, however, painful, despite the carefulness. But our task, nevertheless, is not to mislead the client, but to help develop his awareness, to increase, if I may say so, the skill of dealing with reality, to strengthen him for this.
What would you do in this case?
Why don't psychologists say at the beginning of work that they are not friends and not magicians? It would also be much easier
Now, obviously, you don't want to face rejection and pain again.
Usually at the beginning of work I ask the client what he expects from our work, what he wants to get in it and how. So that he understands what I can and what cannot. Sometimes they want to receive advice or "treatment" of some …
I'm not talking about how to perceive me. Why? Well, it's just not possible to list all the possible options. Someone can see me as a father, someone as a brother, someone as a neighbor in the country, someone as a mentor … Everyone can have their own perception. I think, starting to voice some of this, I will distract the client from his topic. As if excessive reinsurance is obtained here. Yes, after all, there can be many difficult passages in therapy, all of which cannot be voiced. It is important to watch what is happening and work with what arises.
So, here we can assume that there are some difficulties with close relationships, there is an attempt to build them with a psychologist, to put all the eggs in one basket. This is a hypothesis, of course! This is not the case for everyone in therapy; not everyone experiences this kind of perception. This is something individual.
True, if you start to explain all the difficult points at once, then you can interfere with the spontaneous flow of work and the expression of the client. We can say that the psychologist is not a friend. But how can the client perceive this? Maybe he will think that this is bad, so to think, he will close and this topic will not be raised, and we will not find out how, for example, he really wants to be friends or build a close relationship, or something else will pass by our work.
In general, straws cannot be spread everywhere, and it may not be productive with everything, as I just tried to show. Yes, it is important to voice some points: the rules, the framework, how we will work, agree, and so on. But the rest is about the therapy itself, about the work.
Thank you for attention!
I look forward to your feedback!
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