School Neurosis In Parents

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

School must be survived (c)

If a person has children, and even more so, children of school age, then life is subordinated to the school routine. And for such people, September 1st is not the beginning of a new month, not the beginning of autumn, but the beginning of a new school year.

And this means that the parent, together with the child, fulfill the school's requirements for the daily routine, homework and even the student's appearance. Not all parents and not all students integrate easily into this system. The problems with the adaptation of the child to school drew attention 20 years ago, and since that time psychologists have appeared in schools. But globally, the situation with the education of a schoolchild remains difficult both for the child himself and for his parents.

Since the 60s and 70s of the twentieth century, they began to talk about school neurosis as a stable disadaptation and stress that a child experiences at school. This neurosis manifests itself in constant anxiety, fears, low mood, tearfulness due to the need to attend school or because of bad relations with a particular teacher. Often such a neurosis develops due to:

-conflict with a teacher;

-Difficulties in communication and conflicts with classmates;

- congenital features of the child's nervous system: fatigue, anxiety, fears, which manifested themselves in preschool age;

- the peculiarities of raising a child in a family: connivance on the part of parents, upbringing like a "family idol", inconsistent upbringing, when the child does not develop self-regulation skills and there is no clear idea of acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

It should be added that the propensity to develop neurosis can be inherited from one or both parents. Also, the manifestation of school neurosis in parents during their own education at school is a risk factor for the development of school neurosis in a child.

The child's parents and family are the area where it should be warm, safe and predictable. If the relationship between the parents is conflicting, or one of the parents had a negative experience of studying at school, then the likelihood of the appearance of school neurosis in the child becomes much higher.

What is Parental School Neurosis (SCN)? I put this term in quotation marks, because I'm not sure that serious academic science is investigating this problem. SNR manifests itself in anxiety, fears about the success of one's own child in school, his academic performance, relationships with classmates and a teacher (in elementary school) or teachers in middle and high school.

The development of any neurosis is based on the objective impossibility of changing the situation and the subjective attitude to this situation as a difficult or catastrophic one. With regard to the SNR, the following thoughts may appear: “My child is going to study (to school). I love him and I am very worried, how will he be able to get along with the teacher and classmates, will he be able to easily cope with the program? If my child is not as successful as I expect, it will be too difficult for me."

When a classic neurosis occurs, a traumatic situation is needed in which a person feels helpless. A modern Russian school in a large city is a closed organization that lives by its own rules and norms. Moreover, the reform of school education has been going on for many years, which also increases the anxiety and uncertainty of parents. The inability to control either the school or a specific teacher often leads to the fact that parents feel helpless when interacting with the school. And anxiety only increases the level of stress, which over time can turn into chronic stress and neurosis will develop on its basis.

Modern urban life is characterized by a high pace and successful (realized) parents in ordinary life experience a higher level of stress even without taking into account the schooling of their own children. Such parents expect or even require high academic performance, show more irritation than warmth and support for their children, and all this triggers a vicious circle of neurosis development in both parents and children. Successful and active parents who are tired at work can find it difficult to be patient and provide psychological support to their own children. And, unfortunately, good living conditions and material living conditions with high employment and overwork in parents do not contribute to the emergence of self-regulation in children and do not teach them how to cope with their difficulties.

A child of any age, and an adult, wants to be good for their loved ones and needs emotional acceptance and psychological support. Parents with SNR can find it difficult to notice the minor successes of their children. Prolonged stress, and even more so neurosis, affects the peculiarities of a person's thinking. Also, as a result of overwork, an adult may not notice simple ways to solve a child's school difficulties. Black-and-white thinking can be manifested when significant improvements are perceived and only an ideal solution to the situation is needed.

You can write a lot about the causes of SNR and the consequences of such a condition for parents and children. As a practitioner, I would like to focus on a pressing question that regularly arises from my clients: "What to do with this?"

1. Unfortunately, it is impossible to choose the perfect school. It is worth remembering that it is the parents who ensure the safety of the child. In case of difficulties for a child, teachers and school administration should be aware of the position of the parents. Not all difficulties that a child has at school (even in high school) he can solve on his own!

2. If nothing changes when problems arise and when you try to resolve them with a teacher (school administration), then you should think about transferring your child to another school. Transfer to a new school should be coordinated with the child, especially if he is over 10-11 years old.

3. It is necessary to take into account the peculiarities of the development and health of the child. Any person has a large number of innate qualities, for example, activity, resistance to stress, a tendency to certain objects (it often manifests itself at the age of 12-15 years), etc. these qualities, then one should not expect outstanding abilities in these areas from the child. Perhaps, after some time, your child will show his own inclinations.

4. Children grow and form for a long time. Therefore, it is important to remain a patient and considerate parent. A common recommendation is that your own child can only be compared with himself, as he was before. Parents, siblings, and classmates' growth rates and academic performance can vary significantly. And comparing the capabilities of your own child with others will only increase anxiety and not arouse the desire to try harder. It is worth telling, sharing your school experience: successes, difficulties, how you managed to survive school and become who you are.

5. It is important that by the end of school the child has the desire and strength to continue learning. The last few years have begun to conduct research on the emotional burnout of schoolchildren. Such studies are carried out in countries where there is a high intensity of education, competition between children begins already at school and a lack of social support. The peculiarities of the emotional burnout of schoolchildren are manifested in the fact that it is difficult (or impossible) for them to study further and there is absolutely no strength and motivation for their professional realization after school.

School years are the time of growing up for our children. Little children grow up, learn and gain new knowledge, they learn to choose their friends and get along with different people. In the same period, they have persistent interests that can become a future profession. And even the first love can fall on this time. The child grows, matures and solves many problems.

Psychologists have proven that children grow up and get their own life experience by imitating their parents. The character and habits of the parents affect the upbringing and affect the child's self-esteem. Parental anxiety and neuroses will be transmitted to children and affect their life and character development. With SNR, you should seek psychological help, understand the causes of your own anxiety and learn to cope with it. Children need wise, patient and loving parents! Investments in one's own psychological well-being will return by improving the quality of one's own life, health, harmonizing family relations and, of course, the well-being of one's own children.