2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Change call. Katya leaves the classroom, classmates overtake her in the doorway, brushing her shoulders, shouting: "Katya is a fat cow!" The next day, in the classroom, a flock of children comes up to her, one of them says: "Give me some milk!" Katya understands the message, but, not knowing what to do, enters into a dialogue:
- I have no milk …
- How do you live, a cow without milk! - The guys are laughing together, someone in a fit of laughter bends in half.
The next day Katya walks along the corridor, the guys rush past, throwing: "Muuu …"
Katya, in tears, turns to the teacher with a complaint that she is being teased. "What are they saying?" the teacher asks. "Mu", - Katya answers honestly and still hopefully. “Well, what is this, this does not apply to you at all. You attract,”the teacher replies with relief. A curtain.
The teacher's arsenal of reactions and actions to the mobbing situation is diverse - to ignore, strongly prohibit, exhort, helplessly ask (“Dima, why did you hit Petya?”), Call the parents (most often the parents of the offended person) - but ineffective.
In the Russian school at the moment there is neither a single Russian nor a private school policy regarding mobbing - bullying a student by other students (or by a teacher and students). But this does not mean that it will always be so. It seems the time has come to change the order of disorder to healthy, positive order.
If you are a parent of a student, and it turns out that there is mobbing in the classroom, then your child is unconditionally involved in it - either as a witness, or as a victim, instigator or singsong. Most likely, since you are reading this article, then you are approaching responsibly, and do not want the experience of a witness to eat away at the soul of a person with cowardice, the experience of the persecutor is loved and absorbed, and the experience of the victim has left painful scars on memory and self-esteem.
Bullying does not occur out of nowhere. There are prerequisites and reasons for the emergence of bullying. And the reasons are in the family environment of the bullying child. The prerequisites (and sometimes causes) of bullying in the classroom are formed at school.
About family. In a child of adolescence, the need for self-realization is growing, to feel their importance. This deep need is realized when a person 1) does something useful for others by the movement of his will 2) makes responsible decisions 3) receives positive reinforcement from relatives - respect, love, joy from his success and his existence as such.
Imagine an eldest son in a large family who is entrusted by his parents to take care of the younger ones and praise, encourage him, and support him in his own endeavors. Such a child cannot be imagined at the head of a flock of mobbers.
If the child does not have regular situations where he must make decisions, where he helps and serves people, if the child does not receive support from loved ones or receives a contradictory message from his parents, if the parents (this can be a very organized family in material and social terms) communicate with a child superficially, leave him to himself, or put a lot of pressure and pressure, then the child will try to self-actualize in evil. A person who organizes the persecution of another gets pleasure from power - from evil power.
Along with the need for self-realization in a teenager, the need for belonging to a group is also manifested, for acceptance among peers - the need to experience cohesion. Studying does not help in this. The fact is that educational activities at school are not group activities. Each learns for himself in parallel with his classmate, as in the first workshops of the Middle Ages, artisans each worked on his order, sitting next to each other. And if there is no constructive group, then children will enjoy rallying AGAINST someone. This motive of participation in the persecution "sang along", he moves them along with fear and the desire to deflect the blow from himself.
It is important to understand that there is no reason for bullying in the child against whom it is being conducted - there are only reasons (physical characteristics, nationality, academic success / failure, etc.). This thesis is illustrated by one example: if suddenly this child became an uncomfortable object for mobbing, for example, he left school; matured and learned to defend their dignity, the group finds another suitable object.
I repeat again, because this idea is new for the school community - Mobbing motive has no connection with the victim. This is the inner motive of the bullying child. The need for love, for recognition of it as important and significant, for self-realization, which was not directed into a creative channel.
About school. The main premise of bullying is that the school has a purely educational function. Giving knowledge is what teachers work for. It turns out one-sided: there is no educational task at school.
It happens, and not uncommon, that there are reasons for bullying at school. The teacher unwittingly initiates mobbing by making regular derogatory remarks about the student. And sometimes the teacher creates and supports the persecution on purpose in order to make it easier to manage the class.
What to do for the parent of the child in relation to the school
You figured it out and made it clear that this is not a confrontation between rival forces, but a persecution. Don't be silent, talk to your teacher. Identify the problem of mobbing as it is often not recognized as such.
Show the teacher your vision of the situation as bullying, the teacher may disagree and give reasons for accusing your child (“she herself screams, fights with you”) and in justification of the offending ones (“this is a transitional age, well, what do you want”) - be firm in your position and argue with facts. When a consensus is reached in the perception of the situation, try to find common goals with the teacher - goals that can be said about "we are with you" - "we together take care of creating a friendly environment in the classroom." Come to an agreement that bullying is unambiguous. Ask by what means the teacher suggests to solve this problem. If the teacher does not know how to solve the problem in the classroom (which is most likely, since the bullying has occurred) - offer sources of information, books, websites. Make it clear that you do not blame anyone and do not require the teacher to "be able to cope with mobbing", but you definitely insist that it is time to learn. Coping with bullying at school is the responsibility of the school in the first place. Let the director know that you will be speaking. Be sure to go to a higher level with this topic without delay, each new school day brings new risks and new emotional wounds for children. And overcoming mobbing, by definition, lies in a wider field than one class.
Write a written appeal to the school principal, submit it to the secretary and get an incoming number. Why writing is important: We live in a bureaucratic world. If the conversation with the director is conducted verbally, then for the director you are a small weight category, and how many of the directors are used to reckoning with their parents? But if there is an incoming letter, then the director will report on it to a higher authority on this answer and the measures taken. Moreover, the director understands that if you wrote to him, then you can write above, to his leadership. In Moscow, for example, a rating system has been adopted, in which the director's ability to build a dialogue with parents and to find trust is also assessed. If the parents write above (even if they would be wrong), this means that the director did not work with the parents enough, did not agree, and will receive a minus in the rating. Therefore, the director will try to listen to you more attentively and responsibly and solve the problem.
After sending the letter, make an appointment with the director and set a day and time. If you need for your moral support, come together with another not indifferent adult, since the director, quite possibly, will receive you in the presence of the class teacher, the head teacher and, perhaps, will call a psychologist or social teacher. Therefore, so that you do not get confused, the presence of a person who shares your position will help a lot. Just like with the teacher, designate the director's vision of the situation as bullying, and, perhaps, again it will be necessary to prove and illustrate this with facts. When you have come to a common vision of the situation, ask what the principal proposes to do to improve the atmosphere in the classroom. The director has great resources and knows his team, which may include teachers who are mature as individuals, who have authority among children and who understand children.
The director can use them. He has a whole range of measures at his disposal. The main thing is that these measures work with the real reason that prompts children to bully.
Measures could include:
Ending provocations by the teacher.
Complete intolerance to any acts of bullying.
Clarification of the family situation of the student leading the bullying, and competent work with his parents.
The work of a psychologist with children individually and as a group.
Collective viewing of a film about mobbing, (for example, "Scarecrow"), followed by discussion.
A class-wide activity that is interesting, creative, has a social benefit, and uses the different abilities of children.
Classroom affairs in which children can reveal themselves as individuals, see each other closer, see a person in another, see interest in themselves.
Offer the director, as well as the teacher, sources of information, books, websites.
Take an active position yourself in relation to school life - organize extracurricular activities of classmates - going on an excursion, staging a play, socially useful business (not monotonous, but requiring imagination from children, for example, a broadcast on the school radio).
Mobbing didn’t come about in a second, and it cannot be overcome overnight. Here you need a velvet rink of long-term purposeful efforts. First of all - the unremitting efforts of the parent. I would like to finish the article on a joyful note, or just on a bright note. But we do not see the future, it is difficult to guess, so I will tell you a beautiful example from the present - a living, fulfilled future: about people from one class of the Saltykovskaya secondary school of the Balashikha district of the Moscow region, who graduated from school in 1951, and whom I personally know. They studied in a class where the teacher had authority, friendship was value, mutual assistance was cultivated, work was the norm. They all took place as people. Their friendship and solidarity is such that, even now, when they are over eighty, every spring everyone who is alive gathers for the alumni meeting.
Anna Shaposhnikova
Moscow, 2016-07-02
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